Okay, so Gamescom 2025 happened, and apparently, they handed out some participation trophies… I mean, awards. 🙄 Because, you know, in the hyper-competitive, multi-billion dollar gaming industry, everyone deserves a pat on the back, right? 👶 Let’s dive into this glorious display of… well, something.
So, according to the “official” announcement, the illustrious gamescom Award Showcase, brought to you by the brainiacs at IGN and the Digital Gaming Culture Foundation (whoever they are), decided to bless us with their divine judgment on August 22nd at the crack of dawn (9 AM EST, because who needs sleep?). 😴 Games and studios were “celebrated” across a whopping 19 categories. Yes, NINETEEN. Because apparently, “Best Game” just isn’t enough anymore. We need to slice and dice that sucker until every niche is filled. 🔪
Resident Evil Requiem was apparently the golden child, hogging awards like a greedy goblin. 💰 Visuals? Check. Audio? Check. Most Epic? Check. Best Sony PlayStation Game? CHECK. Someone at Capcom must be paying these judges handsomely. 💸 Or maybe it’s just that the bar is set so low these days that even a mediocre zombie shooter looks impressive. Who knows? 🤔
But the real kicker? Hollow Knight: Silksong, a game that exists only in our collective fever dreams, won Best Trailer. 🏆 A trailer for a game that MAYBE exists. A trailer that’s been dissected, analyzed, and memed to death. A trailer that, let’s be honest, probably tricked half the jury into thinking the game was actually out. 😂 Hats off to Team Cherry for managing to win an award for vaporware. You’ve truly mastered the art of hype. 🤡
Gamescom Award 2025 Winners: The List of “Winners”
Let’s dissect this list of “achievements,” shall we?
Best Visuals – Resident Evil Requiem: Okay, sure, if you’re into zombies looking slightly less pixelated than they did in 1996. 🧟
Best Audio – Resident Evil Requiem: I’m guessing the sound of zombies moaning and chainsaws revving is now considered high art? 🎶
Best Gameplay – Donkey Kong Bananza: Because who doesn’t love a good ol’ nostalgia trip with a monkey and some bananas? 🍌
Most Entertaining – Hela: I don’t even know what this is, but it sounds vaguely Scandinavian and probably involves Vikings. ⚔️
Most Epic – Resident Evil Requiem: Because fighting hordes of the undead is totally an original concept. 🙄
Most Wholesome – Hela: Okay, now I’m confused. Is this Viking game secretly about knitting sweaters for orphans? 🧶
Games for Impact – Tiny Bookshop: A game about books? Groundbreaking. 📚
Best Microsoft Xbox Game – Grounded 2: Because Microsoft needs to remind everyone they still make games. 🎮
Best PC Game – Anno 117: Pax Romana: Strategy game? Yawn. 😴
Best Sony PlayStation Game – Resident Evil Requiem: Did we mention Resident Evil won a lot?
Best Nintendo Switch 2 Game – Mario Kart World: Because Nintendo knows what their audience wants. 🏎️
Best Mobile Game – Love and Deepspace: Mobile games are still a thing? 📱
Best Lineup (Jury Award) – Capcom Entertainment: Capcom wins for quantity, not necessarily quality. 🤷
Best Booth (Jury Award) – Anno 117: Pax Romana Hands-On Booth + Ubisoft’s Community Lounge: Free stuff always wins. 🎁
Best Business Booth (Jury Award) – Ubisoft’s Business Lounge: Where the real deals (and backstabbing) happen. 🤝
HEART OF GAMING Award (Special Jury Prize) – Artist Alleys: Okay, this is actually kind of cool. 🎨
Best Booth (Consumer Award) – Pokémon: Gotta catch ’em all… and apparently, vote for their booth. 🤪
Best Merch (Consumer Award) – Star Birds Gacha Machine: Because gambling for digital trinkets is totally healthy. 🎰
Best Trailer (Consumer Award) – Hollow Knight: Silksong: I’m still not over this. 🤯
So there you have it, folks. The gamescom Award 2025 winners, a collection of titles that range from “actually pretty good” to “wait, what is that?” 🤔 But hey, at least everyone got a participation trophy, right? 🥳 Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go back to waiting for Silksong to actually release. Don’t hold your breath. 💨
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
