Behold! Apple TV+, desperate for your $9.99/month, just dropped a trailer for season five of Slow Horses, the “critically acclaimed” (eye roll) espionage drama starring the one and only Sir Gary Oldman, who probably regrets signing onto this thing. Based on some book series nobody’s actually read, the six-episode saga of mediocrity starts on September 24, 2025, because apparently, we have nothing better to do with our lives. 🐴🐌
“Slow Horses” is a so-called “darkly humorous” (debatable) spy drama. It’s about a bunch of MI5 rejects banished to Slough House, which is basically where careers go to die. Oldman, who apparently peaked years ago, plays Jackson Lamb, the grumpy leader who’s only charming if you have the humor of a rock. They bumble around, make mistakes, and generally remind us why government agencies are a joke. 🤡
Season five? Oh, it’s got Roddy Ho, the tech guy, suddenly dating a “glamorous” woman (as if). When things get weird (they were never normal, were they?), the Slow Horses have to figure it out. Lamb will mumble something about “London Rules,” which is code for “cover your own behind because I’m not helping.”
The “star-studded” cast includes Kristin Scott Thomas, who clearly needed a paycheck, Jack Lowden, who’s probably wondering where his career went wrong, and a bunch of other people you’ve seen in something, somewhere. Oh, and Nick Mohammed from “Ted Lasso” shows up, presumably to class up the joint (spoiler: he doesn’t). ✨
“Slow Horses” has been called “the best spy series on television” by someone who clearly hasn’t watched any other spy series. It’s “utterly brilliant” according to someone who’s probably being paid to say that. It holds a “Certified Fresh” score on Rotten Tomatoes, which means someone, somewhere, liked it. The third season won an Emmy for writing, proving that awards are meaningless. Seasons six and seven are coming, because why stop the pain train now? 🚂
The show is produced by See-Saw Films, because apparently they’re contractually obligated to keep churning this out. Will Smith (not that one) adapted it for TV, and a bunch of executive producers are listed because everyone wants a piece of the pie. Saul Metzstein, who got an Emmy nom, is back to direct, because apparently, lightning can strike twice. ⚡
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
