Wow, another Dragon Quest remake? 🙄 Is Square Enix officially out of original ideas? Hot on the heels of last year’s groundbreaking Dragon Quest 3 remake (which, let’s be honest, was just a prettier version of a game from the 80s 👴), we’re getting Dragon Quest I & II HD-2D Remake. Because who wouldn’t want to relive those pixelated adventures with slightly less pixelation? 🎮
In a thrilling interview at Gamescom (because that’s where all the REAL news happens 📰), some producer guy, Masaaki Hayasaka, droned on about the “immense” amount of work put into these remakes. Apparently, they’ve added a “really big surprise” twist that’ll blow our minds. 🤯 Yeah, right. Last time someone promised me a “big surprise,” it was my aunt giving me socks for Christmas. 🧦
“We want to surprise and delight all Dragon Quest fans out there,” he says. Oh, I’m sure you will. By charging us $60 for a game we’ve already bought multiple times. 💸 And of course, the great Yuji Horii himself was involved, because apparently he has nothing better to do than tweak games he made decades ago. 🤷♂️
But wait, there’s more! 🎉 Hayasaka claims the scenario has been “significantly fleshed out and enhanced.” Get this: “The original version – were tens of thousands of words on their own. We’re up into the millions now for the remake.” Millions of words? 📚 Are they adding a novelization to my already existing 40 year old game? Is this how they pad out the playtime to justify the price tag? I bet it’s mostly filler dialogue about the hero’s favorite type of slime. 🐌
So, what could this “big surprise” be? 🤔 Maybe Erdrick will reveal he’s actually a time-traveling dragon. 🐉 Or perhaps the final boss will be a microtransaction screen. 😈 Who knows? All I know is that I’m bracing myself for disappointment.⛈️
But hey, at least Horii teased that playing the trilogy in “chronological” order will lead to new discoveries! 🔎 I’m sure it’ll be something earth-shattering, like realizing that the first three games are connected. 🤯
And let’s not forget the famous twist in Dragon Quest XI, where the world changes! 🔄 Mind. Blown. 🤯 I’m expecting nothing less from these remakes. Probably more. 💯
Mark your calendars, folks! 🗓️ Dragon Quest I & II HD-2D Remake drops on October 30 for PS5, Xbox Series X|S, Nintendo Switch, Nintendo Switch 2 (wait, what? 🤨), and PC. Get ready to open your wallets… again. 💰💰💰
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
