Crypto Bro Gets Pardoned, Trump Claims Ignorance: A Comedy in One Act
Another day, another deep state conspiracy thwarted by our glorious President Trump! This time, it’s about the pardon of crypto…
Day: November 3, 2025
ICE Agent Panics After Realizing There More Children Than He Has Flash-Bangs
CHICAGO—His heart racing with terror as he found himself completely surrounded, an Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent conducting a…
Nigerian President Promises To End Genocide If Trump Sends Upfront Fee Of $5,000 In Amazon Gift Cards
WASHINGTON, DC — Donald Trump received an email from the President of Nigeria with a commitment to end the…
Dragon Quest’s Yuji Horii Gets a Pat on the Back From Japan (Finally!)
So, like, this Yuji Horii dude? 👴 Apparently, he’s the FIRST EVER game designer in Japan 🇯🇵 to get some…
Over the River Into the ’Hood
The post Over the River Into the ’Hood appeared first on The Onion. The post Over the River Into…
Government Once Again Casts Nation Into 4:30 P.M. Darkness
U.S. — According to sources, the hidden upper echelon embedded in the United States government once again reveled in…
Microsoft Dumps Truckload of Monopoly Money in Dubai, Claims it’s a $15 Billion Investment
Oh, look, CNN is wetting its pants over AI in the UAE! More globalist garbage! Microsoft, Google, and NVIDIA –…
DORO’s Florida Kegger: ‘Warriors Of The Sea’ Album Launch—BYOB and Bring Your Own Inflatable Swordfish
Ahoy, metalheads! 🤘 Get ready to drain your bank accounts for the one and only DORO PESCH! 👸 On November…
Twirling Britney Spears Unaware Phone Died Hours Ago
The post Twirling Britney Spears Unaware Phone Died Hours Ago appeared first on The Onion. The post Twirling Britney…
Canada Orders Toronto Blue Jays Players Euthanized
TORONTO — Following the team’s devastating loss to the Los Angeles Dodgers in Game 7 of the 2025 World…