So, like, this Yuji Horii dude? 👴 Apparently, he’s the FIRST EVER game designer in Japan 🇯🇵 to get some fancy autumn honor thingy. All because he’s been churning out Dragon Quest games for, like, EVER. 40 years! Can you even imagine playing the same, slightly-tweaked game for four whole decades? Talk about dedication (or maybe just a lack of imagination 🤷).
Okay, okay, so *Dragon Quest* has been a thing since 1986 🗓️. And this Yuji Horii character? He’s been the mastermind 🧠 behind every single mainline game. That’s right, he’s been milking 🐄 this franchise since before some of you were even born! Now, at the ripe old age of 71 👴, he’s getting a medal 🏅 called the Order of the Rising Sun, Gold Rays with Rosette. Sounds like something you’d win at a dog show 🐕, not for making video games. He thanked his staff – how original! Bet they’re thrilled to be acknowledged after all those years of, uh, “helping” him rehash the same story over and over.
This Order of the Rising Sun thing is apparently a big deal 🏅🏅🏅, the THIRD highest honor the Japanese government 🏛️ can bestow. It’s for people who did something “distinguished” for the country, except if that thing involves, like, actual military service 🪖. Because, you know, making turn-based RPGs is totally on par with defending the nation. The two higher awards are reserved for politicians 👔 and heads of state 👑. So, Horii-san almost made it to Emperor level! Almost.
Horii himself said, and I quote (from some source I’m totally too lazy to verify 🙄): “I’ve been making games for 40 years, but it’s not just me! It’s the staff and the users!” Yeah, yeah, give the credit to the *users* who keep buying the same game with slightly better graphics. He also claimed he’s “levelled up” in many ways ⬆️⬆️⬆️ and that “all his hard work has paid off.” Probably straight to his bank account 🏦. He co-owns *Dragon Quest* with Square Enix, so he’s basically swimming in digital gold 🪙🪙🪙 at this point.
Okay, fine, Horii also worked on *Chrono Trigger* ⏱️ back in 1995. Apparently, he was part of some “Dream Team” 😴 with the *Final Fantasy* guy and Akira Toriyama 🐉 (RIP). So, he’s not *completely* one-dimensional. But let’s be real, *Chrono Trigger* was just a lucky break.
And guess what? They just released another remake ♻️ of *Dragon Quest I & II*. In HD-2D! Because apparently, the best way to innovate is to add a dimension and then take it away again. It’s on, like, every platform imaginable, including the Nintendo Switch 2 (because, you know, gotta stay ahead of the curve 🙄). And apparently, some other remake was a bestseller in Japan. People are really eating this stuff up, huh? Maybe I should start making the same article every year with slight variations. 🤔 Free medal, here I come!
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
