Oh, look, another “twisty thriller” 🙄. This one’s about a tennis coach, because apparently, being a tennis coach at a “tropical resort” isn’t already thrilling enough. I mean, dodging sunburns and questionable tourist fashion choices? That’s practically James Bond level stuff. Now he is a center of a missing person mystery. I wonder if it has anything to do with his tennis racket? 🎾
So, we’ve got Tom (played by Sam Riley, who, let’s be honest, always looks like he’s just woken up from a nap). Tom’s living the high life, teaching tennis during the day (probably to people who can barely swing a racket) and “partying” at night (aka awkwardly sipping watered-down cocktails while trying to avoid eye contact with the resort’s entertainment).
Then, dun dun DUN, an “enigmatic tourist” (Stacy Martin, doing her best mysterious pout) shows up, and Tom’s all like, “Wait, have I seen you before?” Probably in one of those stock photo ads for “exotic getaways,” buddy. Anyway, tension and attraction grow because that’s what people do in thrillers, right? They ignore all common sense and dive headfirst into potentially dangerous situations. 🤦♀️
And because no thriller is complete without a missing person, Stacy’s husband (Jack Farthing, who I’m guessing drew the short straw) vanishes into thin air. Of course, the cops suspect Tom because who else would they suspect? The overly enthusiastic lifeguard? The guy selling coconuts on the beach? Nah, let’s go with the sleepy-looking tennis coach. Makes perfect sense. 🕵️♂️
Directed by Jan-Ole Gerster, who I’m sure is a very talented individual, but I’m also sure this movie will have at least three scenes where people stare intensely at each other while dramatic music plays. Just a hunch. The film also stars Fatima Adoum because every movie needs someone who’s been in a Sherlock Holmes movie, apparently. 🔍
“Islands” is gracing our cinemas on January 30th, 2026. So mark your calendars, set your reminders, and prepare to be mildly entertained/completely bored. Your choice! 🗓️ This movie will be a masterpiece or a dumpster fire; there is no in-between. 🔥
And let’s not forget the poster, which looks like it was designed by someone who just discovered the “blur” tool in Photoshop. Seriously, is that supposed to be artistic, or did someone just spill their piña colada on it?🍹 I bet the film will be as clear as the poster! 🤪
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
