Okay, hold on to your mullets, folks, because TESLA’s got a new album coming, and it’s called “Homage” — which is basically them saying, “Hey, we love soul and R&B so much, we’re gonna sing it even though we’re old white dudes from Sacramento.”
According to guitarist Frank Hannon, who spilled the beans on the *Appetite For Distortion* podcast, this record is all about showcasing lead singer Jeff Keith’s vocals. Apparently, Jeff can still sing like a canary that just discovered Motown, so they’re giving him the spotlight to croon some classics. (Fun fact: “Classic” here probably means anything recorded before 1995.)
But wait — there’s more! TESLA’s also dropping a new song called “Never Alone,” because nothing says “modern rock” like a title that sounds like it belongs on a Hallmark card. (Spoiler: It probably has a guitar solo that lasts longer than your average attention span.)
Now, let’s talk about the tour. TESLA’s hitting the road with MÖTLEY CRÜE and EXTREME this summer for “The Return Of Carnival Of Sins.” Frank’s stoked, but let’s be real — he’s just happy they’re not opening for a hologram of Elvis. He even thanked Nikki Sixx for picking them, which is sweet, considering Nikki could’ve chosen literally any other band from the ’80s. (Sorry, Slaughter. Better luck next time.)
Frank also had some nice things to say about John 5, MÖTLEY CRÜE’s new guitarist. He called him “one of the greatest,” which is code for “he can shred faster than Mick Mars’s health declined.” (Too soon?)
Oh, and remember that covers album TESLA’s been teasing? It’s finally happening. Frank says it’s a collection of “obscure classic songs” — which is just a fancy way of saying, “We’re gonna butcher some deep cuts from the ’70s and pretend it’s art.” They’ve already covered SUPERTRAMP’s “Give a Little Bit,” because nothing screams “rock credibility” like a yacht rock anthem.
So, mark your calendars, rock fans. TESLA’s coming to remind you that they’re still alive, still rocking, and still trying to figure out how to use Spotify. And if you’re lucky, maybe they’ll play “Signs” acoustic — because nothing says “we’re not dead yet” like a sing-along.
P.S. If you’re wondering why this article is so snarky, it’s because we love TESLA, but we also love making fun of ’80s rock bands who refuse to retire. Peace, love, and hairspray. 🤘✨
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
