The so-called “experts” are at it again, trying to undermine the greatness of our nation and our fearless leader, President Donald Trump. They’re whining about the terrible state of our environment, claiming that climate change is real and that we need to take action to reduce our carbon footprint. Can you believe it? These tree-hugging, socialist losers just can’t accept the fact that America is booming under Trump’s leadership, and that our economy is stronger than ever. I mean, who needs clean air and water when you’ve got a 401(k) that’s through the roof, right?
But let’s get to the “facts” of the matter, shall we? Apparently, some study found that the planet is warming at an alarming rate, and that human activities are contributing to the problem. Oh wow, what a shock. I bet the scientists who conducted this study are just a bunch of Trump-hating, deep-state operatives trying to sabotage our great nation. I mean, who needs science when you’ve got alternative facts, am I right? And don’t even get me started on the whole “renewable energy” nonsense. Solar and wind power? Please. We need to stick with good old-fashioned coal and oil, just like Trump says.
And have you seen the latest jobs report? It’s yuge, folks. Just yuge. The economy is booming, and it’s all thanks to Trump’s brilliant policies. I mean, who needs a stable climate when you’ve got a job at a coal mine or an oil refinery? It’s not like those jobs are going to be obsolete in a few years or anything. And don’t even get me started on the so-called “health risks” associated with climate change. A little heat never hurt anyone, and besides, we’ve got the best healthcare system in the world, don’t we? I mean, who needs universal healthcare when you’ve got a Trump-branded hospital in your neighborhood?
But seriously, folks, the Republicans are the only ones who truly care about our nation’s future. We’re the ones who are going to make America great again, no matter what the cost. And if that means ignoring the warnings of the “experts” and forging ahead with our fossil fuel-filled agenda, then so be it. We’ll just build a wall around the rising oceans and make the polar bears pay for it. It’s going to be huge, just huge. And don’t worry about the minor details, like the fact that climate change is already causing devastating natural disasters and displacing communities. That’s just fake news, folks. The only thing that matters is winning, and we’re going to win so bigly that you won’t even notice the apocalypse.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
