Ah, the Nintendo Switch 2 is finally here! 🎉 Or… is it? 🤔 Well, let’s pretend it is, because what’s life without a little make-believe? And what’s a new console without a mountain of overpriced plastic accessories to go with it? So, grab your wallets, folks, because we’re diving headfirst into the must-have (read: totally unnecessary) gadgets for your brand-new, totally real Nintendo Switch 2!
First up, let’s talk about that glorious 7.9” LCD screen. 📱 Oh, the horror of a potential scratch! 😱 Never fear, because JSAUX is here with their Anti-Glare Screen Protector! Because who needs clarity when you can have a matte finish that makes everything look like you’re playing through a dirty window? 🪟 But hey, at least it comes with an “easy alignment tool” because apparently, sticking a piece of plastic onto a screen is rocket science now. 🚀
But wait, there’s more! If you’re feeling bougie, you can splurge on the Spigen Tempered Glass Screen Protector. 💎 Because nothing says “I’m responsible with my money” like buying a premium screen protector for a console that may or may not exist. 💸
Now, let’s talk about cases. Because dropping your precious (imaginary) console is simply not an option. Genki has you covered with their Day 1 Kit, which includes screen protectors, a 36 cartridge case, and the Attack Vector Modular case and Stealth case. Because who doesn’t want a case covered in wool? 🐑 It’s the perfect way to show off your refined taste while simultaneously protecting your plastic toy.
Oh, and did I mention the Attack Vector case has a magnetic ring for a “still-to-be-released portable battery”? 🔋 Because nothing screams “innovation” like selling a product with a feature that doesn’t exist yet! 🤣 But hey, at least you’ll have three levels of “heft” for your Joy-Con 2 controllers. Because apparently, the original Joy-Cons weren’t chunky enough. 🏋️♂️
If you prefer something “more rugged,” JSAUX has a Protective Case for you! It’s “slim & portable,” because who wants a bulky case? Oh wait, it’s also “durable” and has “built-in slots for extra game cartridges.” 🤔 So, it’s not really that slim, is it? But hey, at least it’s “dustproof”! Because dust is the ultimate enemy of gamers everywhere. 👾
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
