Folks, get ready for the most epic, most groundbreaking, most Zetro-riffic event of the millennium! 🎤 Steve “Zetro” Souza, the man who once graced the stage with EXODUS (before they realized they needed a singer who could actually hit the high notes), is celebrating the 20th anniversary of “Tempo Of The Damned” with a 10-date solo tour of Latin America in September 2025. Yes, you read that right. A SOLO tour. Because apparently, being fired from EXODUS wasn’t enough of a hint. 🤣
The tour, kicking off in the exotic locale of San José, Costa Rica (because, let’s face it, who wouldn’t want to start their tour in a place where the tap water might give you dysentery?) and culminating in the bustling metropolis of São Paulo, Brazil (where the mosquitos are rumored to carry tiny guitars and play thrash metal), promises to be a spectacle of… well, something. 🤔
Zetro, in his infinite wisdom, will not only be gracing the stage with his rendition of “Tempo Of The Damned” (because one album is apparently all it takes to warrant a 10-date tour), but he’ll also be performing “classic songs” from his other former bands. You know, the ones nobody remembers? 🤷♂️ TESTAMENT (or LEGACY, as Zetro likes to call them, because apparently, he’s still bitter about getting kicked out before they became famous), HATRIOT (who?), and, because why not, the Bon Scott era of AC/DC. Because nothing says “thrash metal legend” like covering a band that peaked in the ’70s. 🤘
Backing Zetro on this monumental endeavor will be the following musicians, who, let’s be honest, probably agreed to this gig because they lost a bet: 🤡
- Zakk Frye (SLIKK WIKKED) – Rythm Guitar/Backup Vocals (because every metal band needs a guy who can play the same three chords over and over)
- Kyle Smith (SLIKK WIKKED) – Lead Guitar (because shredding is overrated, amirite?)
- Andrew Dewar (VICIOUS INTENT) – Drums (because someone has to keep the beat, even if it’s off)
- Donny “Death” Weissinger (NASTY TRAST, HATE GRENADE) – Bass (because apparently, “Death” is a desirable quality in a bassist)
Zetro, in his infinite humility, spoke about what fans can expect from his return to the stage on his YouTube series, Zetro’s Toxic Vault. Because what better way to promote your solo tour than by talking about it on a channel that probably has fewer subscribers than my grandma’s knitting blog? 🧶 He said, “I agreed to go to South America on my own merit, as Zetro, not as any band that I played with before. Kind of like [Ronnie James] Dio or Ozzy [Osbourne].” Yes, folks, Zetro is comparing himself to Dio and Ozzy. Let that sink in. 🚢 He continued, “I never looked at myself like that, to be honest with you. I always felt more comfortable in a band. But as things play out, this kind of played out towards my favor and to do this. And I’m kind of glad I did, because actually the feedback that I’m getting from it is really, really positive.” Positive feedback? From whom? His mom? 🤔
Regarding what songs he will perform on the upcoming tour, Zetro clarified, “I’m not gonna do any TENET. And I’m not doing any DUBLIN DEATH PATROL. So let’s just get that out.” Oh no! Not DUBLIN DEATH PATROL! The world is truly weeping. 😭 He continued, “Basically, what I’m going to be playing is TESTAMENT [material from the] LEGACY [days], because, again, I want you guys to know — I never played in TESTAMENT; I only played in LEGACY. They became TESTAMENT after I was out of the band. I know they are TESTAMENT songs now, but they were LEGACY songs before and songs that I wrote and actually recorded. So I feel very comfortable playing those. And, obviously, I’ll be playing EXODUS stuff as well. What I won’t be playing of EXODUS — I will not be playing any ‘Bonded By Blood’, and I will not be playing any of Rob‘s [Dukes] era songs.” So, basically, he’s playing the songs nobody cares about. Got it. 👍
Zetro added, “I wanted to do that anyway. I have such a big catalog of songs through my EXODUS years, and I wanted to play some of those songs, some of the songs that either the band never played or does not play anymore. And they’re good songs, and they’re heavy. And it’s something I wanted to do.” Sure, Zetro, sure. We totally believe you. 🙄
As for the possibility of writing and recording new music, Zetro said, “I have to be honest. Right now I kind of don’t want to. There’s so many songs in my catalog that I could play that you’d rather hear, in my eyes, than going out and trying to write a Dio record or an Ozzy record or a Zetro record.” Translation: “I’m creatively bankrupt and clinging to past glories.” 💸
And just in case you were wondering, Zetro plans to play “16 or 17 songs” for “90 minutes.” So, basically, a lifetime. ⏳
Zakk Frye, the mastermind behind SLIKK WIKKED and apparently Zetro’s biggest fan (or perhaps just the only guy who answered his Craigslist ad), told BLABBERMOUTH.NET, “We will be performing a full 90-minute set of all the deep classics from EXODUS and TESTAMENT/LEGACY. And also ripping tunes from HATRIOT and even AC/DC. This will be an action-packed balls-to-the-wall metal show for all Zetro fans. They will not want to miss this.” Yeah, Zakk, we’re sure the dozens of Zetro fans out there are already lining up to buy tickets. 🎟️
So, there you have it, folks. Zetro’s solo tour. A testament to the power of delusion and the enduring appeal of mediocrity. Don’t miss it! (Unless you have something better to do, like, I don’t know, watching paint dry.) 😴
P.S. Any venues interested in booking Zetro dates can contact Zakk Frye. Good luck with that. 🙏
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
