Oh, boy, another Michael Jackson biopic? 🙄 I mean, because the world DEFINITELY needs another rehashing of his “fascinating” (read: train wreck) life. Prepare for the same old greatest hits: Jackson 5! Moonwalk! Thriller! And, of course, the burning question: Will they gloss over the uh… *allegations*? 🤔 Spoiler alert: they probably will.
So, the trailer for Michael dropped, and guess what? It’s got music! And dancing! Groundbreaking. 👏 But wait, there’s more! Michael Jackson’s nephew, Jaafar Jackson, is playing…Michael Jackson! Talk about typecasting! I’m sure nepotism had absolutely nothing to do with this casting decision. He looks and sounds like his uncle? Well, duh! It’s his freaking uncle! 🤦
Now, here’s where it gets interesting (or not). How much will this movie, which is basically sanctioned by the Jackson estate, tiptoe around the scandals and controversies? My guess? They’ll probably dedicate a solid five minutes to it, followed by two hours of moonwalking and “he was a misunderstood genius” speeches. 🙄 And let’s not forget the reshoots! Because nothing screams “quality” like a movie that’s been tinkered with more than a plastic surgeon’s masterpiece. 💉
You can watch the trailer for Michael below, if you’re into that sort of thing (aka nostalgia and avoiding thinking about the ickier parts of MJ’s life).
Ultimately, we won’t know if this movie is a dumpster fire 🔥 or just mildly disappointing until it comes out. But let’s be real, it’s been in production for years, which usually means it’s either a masterpiece or a complete mess. Either way, it’s gonna be a wild ride… of cringe. 😬
Rumor has it the storyline needed a little *tweaking* because it dared to touch on those pesky sexual abuse allegations. Apparently, those allegations violated some legal settlement? Oh, the irony! 🤣 Then, after the reshoots, the movie was supposedly four hours long! Four hours of Michael Jackson? That’s a commitment! 💀 But don’t worry, Wikipedia (the gospel truth) says it’s back to a “lean” three and a half hours. Still, even for someone as “complex” as Michael Jackson, that’s a long time to sit through a movie. Unless you’re really into sparkly gloves and high-pitched squeals. 🧤
Here’s the official synopsis, which is basically a bunch of buzzwords strung together:
MICHAEL is the cinematic portrayal of the life and legacy of one of the most influential artists the world has ever known. The film tells the story of Michael Jackson’s life beyond the music, tracing his journey from the discovery of his extraordinary talent as the lead of the Jackson Five, to the visionary artist whose creative ambition fueled a relentless pursuit to become the biggest entertainer in the world. Highlighting both his life off-stage and some of the most iconic performances from his early solo career, the film gives audiences a front-row seat to Michael Jackson as never before. This is where his story begins.
In other words: Get ready for a heavily sanitized, feel-good version of Michael Jackson’s life! 😇
Michael is currently scheduled to grace our screens on April 24, 2026. Mark your calendars! (Or don’t. I’m not your mom.) 📅
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
