A Message Of Hope From Global Tetrahedron
Read MoreThe OnionWe have taken another proud, collective stride toward dystopia. A bankruptcy court has denied the sale of InfoWars…
Month: December 2024
Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour By The Numbers
Read MoreThe OnionAfter nearly two years, Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour has at last concluded, grossing over $2 billion in ticket…
Take Me To Your Girlboss
Read MoreThe OnionBy Commander Byxxurian Greetings, earthlings. I am Commander Byxxurian from Nebula Vriphlaxor-9. I come bearing a message of…
😂 Face/Off 2: Nicolas Cage and John Travolta to Change Faces and Genders at Warp Speed!
Paramount Pictures has thrown all caution to the wind with the upcoming «Face/Off 2,» a sequel that might just make…
Killjoy Wife Tells Husband He Can’t Dress As Tom Bombadil For Church Every Sunday
MYSTIC, CT — Local churchgoer Clive Richmond, known for his habit of wearing a blue jacket, tall feathered hat, and…
10 Movies You Didn’t Know Were Actually Christmas Movies
Everyone loves a good Christmas movie, as long as you’re not a sociopath with an ice-cold heart, that is. But…
‘The Harvest!’ Shrieks Forgetful Amish Guy
Read MoreThe OnionLANCASTER, PA—Leaping up from his rocking chair as the realization filled him with utter panic, forgetful Amish guy…
Assassin Luigi Mangione Takes Lead In 2028 Democratic Primary Polls
U.S. — Despite currently being in custody and charged with the murder of a health insurance company CEO, alleged assassin…
Tips For Having More Meaningful Conversations
Read MoreThe OnionWhether you’re spending time with cherished family members or new friends, skipping small talk and diving into deeper…
After Weeks Of Research, Husband Buys Wrong Christmas Gift For Wife
ANN ARBOR, MI — After weeks of intense research and deliberation among colleagues, local husband Felix Mayweather bought the wrong…