Justin Bieber Forgets Wife’s Name
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Staring blankly at the 27-year-old woman sitting across from him, musical artist Justin Bieber told reporters Thursday…
Month: December 2024
Drone Problem Solved After They Try Flying Over Texas
TEXAS — The recent issue of unidentified drones hovering over American skies was solved suddenly today after the drones attempted…
Biden Issues Pardon To The Dark Lord Sauron
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a surprise move this morning, President Biden announced he has granted a full and complete pardon…
‘That’s Really Interesting, Thanks For The Great Idea I’d Never Thought Of Before,’ Says New Mom To Person Telling Her To Sleep When The Baby Sleeps
ARVADA, CO — Local mom of three Kylee Miller was incredibly grateful to receive the advice to “sleep when the…
On This Day In History: St. Nicholas Punches Arius For Claiming ‘Die Hard’ Is Not A Christmas Movie
WORLD — On this very day nearly 17 centuries ago, St. Nicholas made history by punching the heretic Arius for…
Nancy Pelosi Hospitalized With Dangerously Low Blood Alcohol Level
LUXEMBOURG — According to eyewitnesses at the Grand Duke’s palace, Nancy Pelosi was rushed to the hospital earlier today after…
Biden Commutes 1,500 Prison Sentences
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Joe Biden commuted the sentences of roughly 1,500 people who were released from prison and placed on…
9 Warning Signs An Upcoming Movie Might Be Woke
It’s growing more and more difficult to enjoy any form of entertainment these days without being bombarded by woke agendas.…
Wellness Check Called In On Elon Musk After He Doesn’t Post On X For Over 17 Minutes
BOCA CHICA, TX — Friends called police and requested to have officers conduct a wellness check on Elon Musk today…
By 2035, All California Vehicles To Be Replaced By Little Tikes Cozy Coupes
SACRAMENTO, CA — California Governor Gavin Newsom has adopted a plan set forth by the California Air Resources Board to…