How The Trump Administration Will Carry Out Mass Deportation
Read MoreThe OnionPresident-elect Donald Trump pledged to fulfill his campaign promise of removing millions of undocumented immigrants in a “record-setting…
Month: December 2024
Confused Senior Citizen Pledges $1 Billion To Exiled Nigerian Prince
WORLD — After receiving a compelling email, a confused senior citizen has reportedly pledged to give one billion dollars to…
Nation’s Mumblers March On Washington Demanding Something Or Other
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—With a half-whispered murmur of “Hey, hey, ho, ho, [inaudible] has got to [inaudible],” thousands of the nation’s…
Jon M. Chu Defends Splitting ‘Wicked’ Into 230,400 Successive Images
Read MoreThe OnionLOS ANGELES—Making his case that the story of Elphaba and Glinda was too big for one picture, director…
8 Perfect Presents For That Hard-To-Shop-For Husband
Any married woman can tell you how hard it can sometimes be to find the perfect Christmas present for their…
God Announces He Believes In Jordan Peterson But Only As A Metaphorical Idea
HEAVEN — A popular question was finally answered today, as a messenger from heaven revealed that God does believe in…
‘Wait, What Do You Call Yourselves?’ Ask The Three Wise Men’s Wives
THE EAST — According to sources, the wives of the Three Wise Men questioned their husbands over their self-proclaimed title,…
President Biden Pardons Son Hunter
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Joe Biden pardoned his son Hunter, sparing him a possible prison sentence for federal felony gun and…
10 Ways Men Have It So Much Worse Than Women
Though science has unequivocally shown that life is far more difficult for men than it is for women, many ignorant…