Ho, Ho, Ho, I’m Regrowing My Foreskin!
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Month: December 2024
Disgusting: New Woke Superman Movie Features Guy Wearing Underwear Over His Pants
WOKE ALERT! Hollywood is once again bringing its not-so-secret GAY AGENDA into your home with the new Superman film which…
Ignorant Boomer Tries To Pay With Cash
MILWAUKEE, WI — Recent security camera footage of Martha Holmes shows that the 73-year-old Wisconsin native ignorantly attempted to use…
🎶 Dave Grohl’s Daughter’s Band Drummer Fears «”Hawkins Destiny”» — And Backup Vocalist Channels Kurt Cobain! 🎤
Violet Grohl, the 18 – year – old daughter of rock legend Dave Grohl, is making waves with her upcoming…
Experts Recommend Putting Injured Person In Some Sort Of Cylindrical Tank Filled With Fluid
Read MoreThe OnionCHICAGO—Stressing that the procedure offered affected individuals their best chance at recuperation, experts at Northwestern University’s medical school…
13 Most Surprising Things In The New Spending Bill
Ostensibly designed to merely keep the government open until March, suspicions arose that the new spending bill may have a…
Congress Warns Failure To Pass Spending Bill Might Delay Destruction Of The Country
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With time running short, Congress has warned that failure to pass a massive spending bill could result…
7 Ways ‘Die Hard’ Points Us To Jesus
It’s only a week until Christmas, which means two things — remembering the wonder of God sending Jesus into the…
Bald Man Presses Face To Window As Thick-Haired Family Sits Down To Dinner
Read MoreThe OnionBOSTON—Gazing longingly at the obvious warmth and good cheer within, local bald man Frank Richmond reportedly pressed his face to a window Wednesday as a thick-haired family inside…
Newborn Starting To Suspect There’s No Milk In This Pacifier
CHEYENNE, WY — Local newborn Sebastian Weaver III is starting to suspect this blue nipple he’s been furiously sucking on…