Political Profile: Pete Hegseth
Read MoreThe OnionPete Hegseth, Trump’s pick to lead the Pentagon, has refused to withdraw his nomination amidst allegations of financial…
Month: December 2024
Representatives Upset Spending Bill Killed By The People They Represent
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources, several Representatives in the nation’s capital are feeling frustrated that their spending bill has…
🔥 «The Witcher 4: Promises» — The Game That Might Launch Before Elon Musk’s Mars Colony! 🌌
Fans of the Witcher franchise, rejoice! Or don’t — we’re not here to dictate emotions. CD Projekt RED (or CDPR…
Jill Biden Leaves Teaching Post
Read MoreThe OnionFirst lady Jill Biden announced that she is stepping down from her teaching position at Northern Virginia Community…
Faded Outline Of Ex-Girlfriend’s Name Still Visible On Stocking
Read MoreThe OnionMILWAUKEE—Noticing the discolored places where different letters had once adorned the decoration, area woman Paula Jackson observed Friday…
‘Elon On The Shelf’ Installed In All Congressional Offices To Remind Lawmakers To Be Efficient
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President-elect Donald Trump was still several weeks away from taking office, but the implementation of new policies…
Civilization VII To Include ‘Bidenomics’ Tech Tree Upgrade Where Inflation Ruins Everything And Eggs Go Up To $12
SPARKS, MD — The hotly anticipated next installment of the popular Civilization franchise, Sid Meier’s Civilization VII, will reportedly expand…
Members Of Congress Explain They Need Pay Raises To Keep Up With The Inflation They Caused
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Though Americans were up in arms when news broke that lawmakers were pushing to give themselves an…
Building Shitty Gingerbread House Just Making Depression Worse
Read MoreThe OnionMINNEAPOLIS—Looking glumly at the mess of candies and royal icing, local 44-year-old Anthony Renton told reporters Thursday that…
8 Reasons Congress Deserves Raises
Is there any group of people that work harder than Congressmen? No. No there is not. And yet, these poor,…