Alright, metalheads (and those who accidentally clicked on this link thinking it was a recipe for vegan cupcakes 🧁), buckle up! Your favorite purveyors of guttural screams and blast beats, WHITECHAPEL, are gracing the US with their presence this fall on the “Rituals Of Hate” tour. Yes, you read that right. “Rituals of Hate.” Sounds like a lovely way to spend a Tuesday, doesn’t it? I mean, who needs therapy when you can just scream along to some death metal about… well, we’ll get to that.
They’re dragging their sorry carcasses through over two dozen cities from November 12th to December 14th, and they’re planning on unleashing their critically adored (by whom? 🤔) new album, “Hymns In Dissonance,” in its *entirety*. Yes, you’ll get the *whole* enchilada. Every single note, every single growl, every single breakdown that sounds suspiciously like a dial-up modem connecting to the internet. And because apparently, one helping of WHITECHAPEL isn’t enough to induce a proper existential crisis, they’ll also be playing some “old favorites.” Prepare to feel *old*, kids.👵👴
But wait, there’s more! Joining them on this epic quest to melt faces and offend grandmothers are BODYSNATCHER (because subtlety is for losers), ANGELMAKER (because why not throw some religious imagery into the mix?), and DISEMBODIED TYRANT (I bet they have a killer HR department). It’s basically a metal buffet of bands with names that sound like rejected Mortal Kombat characters. 🤘
WHITECHAPEL, in their infinite wisdom, have decided to bestow upon us these words of profound insight: “After the overwhelming responses from the ‘Hymns In Dissonance’ release…” Overwhelming? 🤔 I must have missed the memo where the world collectively lost its mind over dissonant hymns. Maybe they’re talking about the overwhelming urge to take a nap during the album. Anyway, they’re doing this tour because they’re generous like that. And to close out the year with their 10th annual hometown Christmas benefit show in Knoxville, Tennessee. Because nothing says “Christmas spirit” like a bunch of dudes screaming about the apocalypse. 🎅
And because WHITECHAPEL loves you (or at least tolerates your existence), there’s a special BLABBERMOUTH.NET presale! Because who needs Ticketmaster when you can get your tickets through a website that looks like it was designed in 1998? Just use the presale code “CHAPEL” to access tickets before the general public. I’m sure that code will be super exclusive and not plastered all over the internet within five minutes. 🙄
Here’s a list of cities they’ll be terrorizing: Norfolk, Harrisburg, New York, New Haven, Albany, Rochester, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Des Moines, St. Louis, Kansas City, Oklahoma City, Little Rock, Birmingham, Pensacola, Jacksonville, Orlando, Richmond, Nashville, Chattanooga, Myrtle Beach, Asheville, and finally, Knoxville. If you live in any of these cities, I sincerely apologize in advance. 🙇♀️
Now, let’s talk about “Hymns In Dissonance.” According to guitarist Alex Wade, “There is nothing nice about ‘Hymns In Dissonance’, from the riffs, to the lyrics, to the overall vibe of the album.” Well, duh. It’s death metal. What were you expecting, a lullaby? He also claims they “attempted to write their heaviest album to date.” Attempted? So, you’re saying there’s a chance it’s just regular heavy? 😅
Apparently, the album tells the tale of a cultist trying to recruit people. Because nothing screams “join my cult” like incomprehensible growls and ear-splitting guitar riffs. “The album follows the story of a cultist who is gathering worthy people to join his cult,” Wade elaborated, “and there are moments in the storyline where the cult followers are singing an evil hymn to open a portal for the head cultist to enter.” I bet the head cultist is just trying to get to the DMV. 🚗
Vocalist Phil Bozeman, the man who can make Cookie Monster sound like Pavarotti, explains that “‘Hymns In Dissonance’ is a mockery of the true nature of what hymns are.” Oh, really? I thought it was a heartfelt tribute to the beauty of religious music. He continues, “Hymns are melodious and harmonious. Dissonance is the opposite of melody and harmony. Dissonance represents evil.” So, basically, they’re saying their music is evil. Groundbreaking. 😈
WHITECHAPEL, formed in Knoxville in 2006, has had the same core lineup since 2007, except for the drummer. Because drummers are like Spinal Tap drummers, apparently. This album is a sequel to “This Is Exile” thematically, because apparently, they’re running out of original ideas. ♻️
The band started writing the album in Householder’s studio in June of 2023, sticking to a strict weekday schedule. Because nothing says “metal” like a 9-to-5 workday. Householder also produced the album, because apparently, they couldn’t afford a real producer. Just kidding (maybe).
The album cover was done by European tattoo artist Rob Borbas, because apparently, nothing says “death metal” like grotesque imagery permanently etched into your skin. 💉
So, there you have it. WHITECHAPEL is touring. They have a new album. It’s loud. It’s angry. It’s probably going to make your ears bleed. What are you waiting for? Go buy your tickets now! (Or, you know, just stay home and listen to some Mozart. Your ears will thank you.) 😌
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
