Okay, so Nashville “rocker” 🙄 (air quotes, people!) Royale Lynn, bless her heart, has unleashed her new auditory assault, “Black Magic”, via Epitaph Records. Apparently, it’s so unique, so groundbreaking, so genre-bending that it “defies easy categorization.” Translation: it’s a hot mess express 🚂💨. This self-proclaimed “metalhead from a small town” (aren’t they all?) thinks she’s bridging the gap between metal and… something else? Probably pop. Or country. Who knows? Who cares? 🤷♀️
For “Black Magic”, which sounds like something you’d buy at a gas station, Lynn bravely (or foolishly) dives into her “personal struggles with mental health.” Because nothing says “I’m okay” like a concept album about Pandora’s Box, right? Each song is an “evil” that escaped Pandora’s box into humanity. I bet they’re all as deep and meaningful as a puddle after a light rain. 🙄 Royale started with the “heavy riffs” of “Greed” (because originality is overrated) before descending into “E.V.I.L.” (subtlety is clearly not her strong suit), taking listeners on an “intense, personal, and intentional journey.” Or, you know, just a regular Tuesday for anyone with Spotify.
Today, she’s gracing us with “WTCH”, because spelling is hard. Apparently, her “angelic tone” (said no one ever) slices through a “soundscape of heavy instrumentation and industrial production.” Translation: auto-tune meets a garbage disposal. She’s “boldly taunting her enemies” with a “defiantly catchy hook.” I bet it’s the kind of hook that gets stuck in your head and makes you want to punch a wall. The song ends with a breakdown that features her “first ever recorded screams.” Congrats, Royale! You’ve officially joined the ranks of every other angsty musician on the planet. 🤘 The accompanying visual features her as a “witchy video vixen leading a hoard of lost souls at an industrial rave.” Sounds like my Friday night, tbh. 💃
“I love the lore of magic and things that we can’t see with our own eyes, so I thought ‘WTCH’ fit perfectly into the album concept,” she explains. Because nothing says “magic” like a misspelled word. “There are people out there who think I sold my soul, and with this song I’m telling them, ‘Maybe you just don’t understand the art and that’s okay.'” Translation: “Please validate my choices, I’m desperate for attention.” It’s okay to be different, she says. Yeah, because nobody else has ever tried to be “different” before. Groundbreaking! 🙄
From small-town girl (yawn) to part of the Epitaph Records family (congrats, I guess?), Royale Lynn has been “experimenting” with a “nostalgic alt-metal and hard-rock influenced sound” that has somehow, inexplicably, resonated with over one million followers across socials and over 76 million global streams. Bots are getting really advanced these days. Over the past year, she’s been teasing us with “hard-hitting singles” like “Death Wish” featuring Danny Worsnop (ASKING ALEXANDRIA), because name-dropping is cool. That song apparently landed at No. 27 on the rock radio charts. 🎉 Yay? She’s “unafraid to tackle serious topics” (like everyone else), with “Battleground” chronicling her escape from a “toxic relationship.” So brave! The music video for “Sacrifice” is a “visual picture of the darkness that can accompany mental illness.” Because we needed more darkness in the world. 🌑
“Every song on ‘Black Magic’ is about mental health; I want to tell my stories in hopes that it might help others,” Royale explains. Because music is cheaper than therapy. “I think that music saves lives.” Sure, Jan. “Growing up, I struggled with managing my mental health, and I know some of my best friends struggled, too.” Shocking. “I think this music gives us a safe space where we can be honest with ourselves.” Or, you know, you could just talk to a therapist. “I wanted to show the community that they aren’t alone.” Thanks, Royale! We needed another artist to tell us that. 🙏
After signing to Epitaph, Royale took 2024 by storm (or at least a light drizzle). She was named a Loudwire “Artist To Watch” (because Loudwire has impeccable taste) and heralded by Billboard as “a ferocious newcomer with ceiling-scraping vocals.” I bet those vocals are just ear-piercing. She spent the year on the road, playing festivals like Louder Than Life, Welcome To Rockville, and Aftershock. She even got to perform with DISTURBED! Living the dream, I guess. She toured with SKILLET and SEETHER, and wrapped up a U.S. run with ASKING ALEXANDRIA. Now she’s doing a string of U.S. headlining shows in July. Get your tickets now, before they’re all… still available. With her “crossover sound” (aka, generic pop-rock), Royale Lynn is “poised to claim her throne as active rock’s new queen.” Long live the queen! 👑 (Just kidding, I’m sure someone else will come along and dethrone her next week).
“Black Magic” Track Listing:
Because you definitely needed to know this.
01. Greed
02. E.V.I.L.
03. Black Magic
04. Sacrifice
05. Pandora’s Box
06. Dragon
07. When We Die
08. WTCH
09. Dark Mode
10. Inside Out
11. Death Wish (feat. Danny Worsnop)
12. BattlegrounD
I’m sure this album will be a massive success. Or, you know, it’ll fade into obscurity like every other generic rock album. Either way, good luck, Royale! You’ll need it. 🍀
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
