Behold, peasants! IRON MAIDEN’s very own air raid siren, Bruce Dickinson, is gracing us with a re-release of his 1994 “classic” (and I use that term loosely) album, “Balls To Picasso”, now audaciously titled “More Balls To Picasso”. Yes, you read that right. More balls. Because one set clearly wasn’t enough. And to celebrate this momentous occasion, feast your eyes 👀 on the official visualizer for his latest single, “Cyclops”. Prepare to be visually…stimulated? 🤮
Back in the ancient year of 1994, when dinosaurs roamed the earth (and Bruce briefly abandoned the MAIDEN ship 🚢, only to return like a prodigal son in ’99), he unleashed “Balls To Picasso” upon the unsuspecting world. Named after that artsy-fartsy guy who couldn’t draw a circle to save his life, the album cover featured graffiti on a bathroom wall. 🚽 Artistic, right? Well, it supposedly solidified Dickinson‘s rep as a “serious” solo artist. (Debatable.)
This was his first foray with Roy “Z” Ramirez, recorded with Z‘s band TRIBE OF GYPSIES. It was “produced” by Shay Baby, because why not? The album birthed such “classics” as “Tears Of The Dragon” (cue the melodramatic sobbing 😭) and “Shoot All The Clowns” (a sentiment we can all get behind, especially when facing Bruce‘s fashion choices). And let’s not forget the epic (read: overlong) “Laughing In The Hiding Bush”, which was almost the album title. Thank God for small mercies.
But here’s the kicker: despite the overwhelmingly positive reviews (citation needed), Bruce felt it never quite captured his “vision.” 🙄 So, naturally, he’s decided to unleash “More Balls To Picasso” upon us, a “reimagining” that promises to be even more “fresh” and “contemporary.” It’s a “roaringly full-throttle and ambitious collection,” apparently. I’m already reaching for the earplugs. 🙉
Dickinson, in his infinite wisdom, proclaims: “While mixing all my catalogue into Dolby Atmos I had a nagging desire to revisit and reinvent the record.” Because who needs new material when you can just regurgitate the old stuff, right? “So putting more balls into ‘Balls…’ was a labor of love.” (I’m starting to think he has a thing for testicles.) He beefed up the guitars (because subtlety is for losers 😎), added some “beautiful work” (his words, not mine) on “Tears…”, and roped in some Brazilian composer to add indigenous instruments from the Amazon to “Gods Of War.” Because nothing says “heavy metal” like tribal flutes. 🪈
And hold on to your hats, folks, because “Shoot All The Clowns” now features a horn section from the Berklee College Of Music. Because who needs distorted guitars when you can have a bunch of jazz nerds ruining a perfectly good (or not-so-good) song? 🎷 The whole shebang was mixed by Brendan Duffey (the guy who worked on “The Mandrake Project”, so you know it’s gonna be…something), with notes from Shay Baby, the “original father” of the album. (I’m not even going to touch that one.)
But wait, there’s more! “More Balls To Picasso” also includes two previously unreleased live-in-the-studio tracks, “Gods Of War” and “Shoot All The Clowns.” Because you haven’t truly suffered until you’ve heard these songs live, in a studio. 🎤 It’ll be available as a splatter vinyl double album (because vinyl is sooooo retro) and a tri-panel digisleeve CD album (because who even uses CDs anymore? 💿).
Here’s the track listing, for those of you who are masochistic enough to care:
01. Cyclops (because one eye is better than none?)
02. Hell No (my sentiments exactly)
03. Gods Of War (more like Gods of Bore)
04. 1000 Points Of Light (sounds like a cheesy power ballad)
05. Laughing In The Hiding Bush (still a terrible title)
06. Change Of Heart (I doubt it)
07. Shoot All The Clowns (please do)
08. Fire (hopefully consuming the album)
09. Sacred Cowboys (what even is this?)
10. Tears Of The Dragon (still weeping)
11. Gods Of War (live in the studio)*
12. Shoot All The Clowns (live in the studio)*
* Previously unreleased (and for good reason)
This summer, Dickinson is embarking on his first North American solo tour in almost 30 years. Because apparently, he hasn’t inflicted enough damage on the world already. He’ll be playing songs from his entire solo career, so prepare for a night of nostalgia, cheese, and questionable fashion choices. The tour includes stops at Rocklahoma and Louder Than Life, because nothing says “highbrow entertainment” like a metal festival in Oklahoma. 🎉
Joining Bruce on this “epic” journey will be his usual suspects, including Dave Moreno, Mistheria, and Tanya O’Callaghan, along with some new guitar slingers from Sweden and Switzerland. But don’t expect to see Roy Z on stage, because apparently, their bromance has hit a snag. 💔
Roy, of course, played guitar on the original “Balls To Picasso” and went on to produce a bunch of Bruce‘s other solo albums. But hey, who needs loyalty when you can have Swedish shredders and Swiss session musicians? 🤷♀️
“The Mandrake Project”, that other thing Bruce did, arrived on March 1, 2024. Because apparently, one mediocre album wasn’t enough for one year.
Bruce and Roy recorded “The Mandrake Project” at Los Angeles’s Doom Room. Because nothing says “optimism” like a recording studio called “Doom Room.” 🥀
Dickinson made his debut with IRON MAIDEN on “The Number Of The Beast” in 1982. He quit in 1993 to pursue his solo career, only to return in 1999. It’s like a soap opera, but with more spandex. 🎭
So there you have it, folks. Bruce Dickinson is back with “More Balls To Picasso.” Prepare yourselves. The apocalypse is nigh. 🤘
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
