So, these Swedish fellas, AMON AMARTH, bless their little Viking hearts, decided to grace us with their presence at Pine Knob Music Theatre in Clarkston, Michigan. Apparently, they played their brand-new single, “We Rule The Waves”. Who asked for this? Oh, right, nobody. They’re currently riding PANTERA’s coattails on their North American tour. Fan-filmed video, because, you know, who needs professional recording when you can have shaky cam footage from some dude’s potato phone?🍿
The official music video for “We Rule The Waves” dropped, probably because they couldn’t wait to unleash this sonic masterpiece upon us. Apparently, it’s their first new song in years! 🎉. I’m sure everyone’s been holding their breath. They claim it’s a war cry worthy of the gods. More like a whimper from Odin after a rough night of mead. Produced by some Grammy-nominated dude, Jacob Hansen, who’s worked with real bands like VOLBEAT and ARCH ENEMY. But hey, everyone needs a paycheck, right? 💸 They’re calling it a sonic raid, carved from salt and steel. I call it a sonic nap. 😴 Modern metal doesn’t get more epic, or more essential, than this, they say. I beg to differ. 🤔
The video was shot in Riga, Latvia, because, you know, Vikings and… Latvia? 🤷♂️ Makes total sense! They’re continuing their collaboration with Pavel Trebukhin, who directed their other masterpieces like “The Great Heathen Army”, “Heidrun” and “Saxons & Vikings”. I guess they’re really committed to this whole Viking shtick. 🙄
AMON AMARTH actually dared to comment on this song: “‘We Rule The Waves’ is our tribute to the spirit of freedom, brotherhood, and the will to conquer.” Sounds like a cheesy fortune cookie. “It’s about standing tall with your clan, facing the storm head-on, and carving your mark into the world like a Viking longship through blackened seas.” More like carving your mark into the local dive bar after one too many shots of Fireball. 🔥
In conjunction with the new song, they’ve also announced limited-edition special merchandise. Because who wouldn’t want a “We Rule The Waves” thong or a dildo?? 🛍️ Get it quick before they run out! I’m sure they’ll be flying off the shelves. 🚀
Earlier this week, AMON AMARTH started their U.S. tour with PANTERA. They’re calling it “The Heaviest Tour Of The Summer”. More like the most mediocre tour of the summer.😴 Additional support is being provided by SNAFU, SHOCK NARCOTIC, KING PARROT and FLESH HOARDER. I’ve never heard of any of these bands, so I’m sure they’re all fantastic. NOT. 🤡 They’re bringing as much of their “infamous theater production” as the stage can handle. Probably just a fog machine and some inflatable Viking helmets. 🪖
Last August, AMON AMARTH frontman Johan Hegg was asked if they’d started working on a new album. He said they’d been talking about it but hadn’t started working on it yet. Groundbreaking news! 📰 He added that he’s been working on some lyrical ideas. I’m sure they’ll be deep and philosophical, like “Odin likes to drink mead” or “Vikings like to pillage”. 🍻
“The Great Heathen Army” was released in August 2022. I’m sure it was a huge success… NOT. Recorded with Andy Sneap, who’s apparently their go-to guy for making them sound slightly less terrible. 🤣
Hegg previously stated that “The Great Heathen Army” is one of their heavier albums. I’m sure their fans were thrilled. He also said there are some dark and heavy songs, but also some trademark melodic AMON AMARTH songs. So, basically, the same old crap they’ve been churning out for years. 💩
Guitarist Olavi Mikkonen added that if “Berserker” was their “heavy metal” album, then “The Great Heathen Army” is their “death metal” album. But it’s still very much contemporary AMON AMARTH. So, basically, they haven’t changed at all. 🤷♀️
From pole to pole and sea to sea, AMON AMARTH are the undisputed kings of Viking heavy metal. According to them. 👑 I think they’re more like the court jesters of Viking heavy metal.🤡
From their underground smash debut (which nobody remembers) to their current status as a slightly-above-ground yawn fest, AMON AMARTH have been an unstoppable creative force. By “unstoppable,” I mean they keep releasing albums even though nobody asked them to. 💿
Now reaping the rewards of all those years of hard work, AMON AMARTH are regarded as one of the metal world’s most vital and imperious live acts. I’m sure their parents are proud. 👨👩👧👦 From headlining festivals (that nobody cares about) to claiming a place on SLAYER‘s final tour (as the opening act that everyone ignored), they have honored the adventurous ethos of their Viking forebears by taking their music anywhere and everywhere (that will have them). 🌍
AMON AMARTH is:
Johan Hegg – vocals (screaming incoherently) 🎤
Olavi Mikkonen – guitar (playing the same riff over and over) 🎸
Johan Söderberg – guitar (also playing the same riff over and over) 🎸
Ted Lundström – bass (probably doesn’t even know he’s in a band) 🎸
Jocke Wallgren – drums (keeping the beat, I guess) 🥁
Enjoy the video or not, nobody cares anyway. 🤷
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
