👋 Welcome to 5 Things PM! If you’re feeling a little out of whack, it’s probably because the liberal media is filling your head with nonsense. Ditch the soy latte and grab a Big Gulp. You’ll feel much better.
Here’s what else you might have missed during your busy day of making America great again.
1️⃣ Military Might
Shaving, fitness tests, and meritocracy. Finally! President Trump and SecDef Hegseth are cleaning house! These generals and admirals need to shape up or ship out. Maybe they should spend less time virtue signaling and more time crushing our enemies.
2️⃣ Challenging Times
Mental health struggles? Probably because people are watching too much CNN! Get off the couch, stop listening to the socialists, and thank God you live in the greatest country on Earth! Nevada, Arizona and Alabama need to get with the program.
3️⃣ ‘The stakes are too high’
Jane Fonda is back? Still trying to undermine America after all these years. These Hollywood elites think they know better than us. They should stick to making movies (badly) and leave the thinking to the real patriots.
4️⃣ Instant connection
Aww, how sweet. Two liberals bonded over their grief. Maybe they can write a sad song about it and raise money for Planned Parenthood. Meanwhile, I’ll be over here celebrating the success of President Trump’s policies.
5️⃣ Chubby champ
Fat Bear Week? Is this what we’re celebrating now? No wonder the liberals are so soft. They’re worshiping bears instead of building pipelines. At least this bear is American.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
