When Death Metal Was Just Dad’s Old Rock Records and a Dream 😈🎸
Back in the day, before streaming algorithms decided what we should listen to (and before our parents started using Spotify to play polka music at family reunions), young Alex Webster was busy discovering music the old-fashioned way: by digging through his dad’s record collection like it was a treasure chest of questionable fashion choices and questionable sound quality. 🎵👴 In a recent episode of the wildly popular podcast “100 Songs That Define Heavy Metal” (because who doesn’t want to hear Brian Slagel passionately debate the merits of power ballads?), Alex spilled the beans on how he went from listening to Elvis Presley to growling about dismemberment like it’s brunch. 🍽️🔪
Turns out, Alex’s musical journey started not with guttural screams, but with the dulcet tones of Chuck Berry and Elvis — you know, the kind of music your grandparents pretend to like but secretly roll their eyes at during holiday gatherings. 🎸👵👴 “I was just a wee lad, single digits and full of wonder,” Alex mused, probably while sipping tea and petting a cat named “Satan Jr.” But then came the ’80s, the hair was big, the riffs were bigger, and metal entered his life like a mosh pit crashing through a china shop. ACCEPT, IRON MAIDEN, METALLICA — these weren’t just bands; they were a lifestyle choice involving way too much leather. 👖🔥
And then… SLAYER happened. 💀 According to Alex, if death metal has a family tree, SLAYER is the weird uncle who lives in the basement and collects taxidermied crows. “They had those kind of lyrics,” he said mysteriously, probably referring to songs about Satan, murder, and other Tuesday night activities. He also gave a shoutout to KREATOR and DARK ANGEL — because nothing says “I’m mature” like naming your band after a German robot hellbent on destruction. 🤖🇩🇪
But here’s where it gets *really* interesting: the death metal growl. How did humans evolve from singing to sounding like a chainsaw fighting a bear in a thunderstorm? 🐻⚡ Alex proposed a death metal summit — imagine it: former growlers sitting around a table sipping kombucha, debating vocal techniques like they’re wine connoisseurs. “I think it kind of starts maybe with Lemmy,” he suggested, which makes sense — Lemmy sounded like he gargled battery acid and chain smoke before every show. Then came Cronos from VENOM, who probably invented the growl while trying to scare off his landlord. And then… the legends: Chuck Schuldiner, Kam Lee, Jeff Becerra — men who looked at opera and said, “Nah, I’d rather sound like a demon with acid reflux.” 🔥🎤
When asked if forming CANNIBAL CORPSE was a master plan or just a happy accident involving too much caffeine and horror movies, Alex dropped the truth bomb: “Oh, it was absolutely intentional. We wanted to be the most brutal band ever. We listened to DEATH and MORBID ANGEL and went, ‘Yep, we’re going full corpse-mode.'” Prior to that, he and Jack Owen were in BEYOND DEATH, which sounds like a band name a 14-year-old would write in their Trapper Keeper while grounded. It was crossover — a mix of KREATOR and D.R.I., which basically means they were heavy enough to scare your parents but not quite heavy enough to get banned from the mall. 🛒🚫
Fast forward to today, and CANNIBAL CORPSE is still chugging along like a zombie at a buffeteria — unstoppable and slightly gross. They even got Brandon Ellis to fill in for Rob Barrett on tour, which is like hiring a ninja to replace your karate instructor. Brandon, fresh off leaving THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER (drama alert!), brought his axe-slinging skills to the stage, probably while wearing all black and glaring into the soul of the audience. 👀🗡️
And let’s not forget their latest album, “Chaos Horrific” — because nothing says “happy 35th anniversary” like an album title that sounds like a rejected horror movie script. Recorded at Erik Rutan’s Mana Studio (which sounds like a place where wizards make riffs), it’s everything a death metal fan could want: brutal riffs, guttural vocals, and lyrics that make your priest side-eye you at confession. 🎺👹
So here’s to Alex Webster — a man who went from Elvis to entrails, from dad’s records to decapitation themes. He’s a true artist, a visionary, and probably the only person who can make “Happy Birthday” sound like a death threat. 🎂🩸 Happy listening, folks — just remember to turn it up so the neighbors can hear your descent into sonic madness. 🔊😈
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