In a shocking turn of events that has left absolutely nobody surprised, John Lydon—the man who once told the Queen to eat a biscuit and enjoy it—has decided to grace North America with the presence of PUBLIC IMAGE LTD. Yes, folks, after spending a solid two years perfecting his couch potato impression, Lydon is dusting off his mic and heading to your town to scream at you about… well, whatever PIL screams about these days.
The tour, hilariously titled “This Is Not…The Final PiL Tour” (because apparently Lydon’s still deciding whether to retire or just take really long naps), kicks off in Pioneertown, California. No, that’s not a typo—there’s actually a place called Pioneertown. Lydon will be screaming at people in cowboy hats about capitalism and existential dread, or whatever it is he does. The tour will then mosey on down to 30+ cities, because apparently Lydon suddenly remembered he has fans who aren’t just his neighbors asking him to turn down his Sex Pistols records.
Tickets go on sale this Friday, so mark your calendars if you want to spend good money to watch a 69-year-old man in a tight t-shirt rant about the system. Or, you know, just stay home and listen to “Rise” for the 873rd time while yelling at your Alexa.
In a statement that sounds suspiciously like something he’s said at least three times before, Lydon mentioned losing his wife Nora and manager John Rambo Stevens (no relation to the fictional action hero, probably). He was going to retire, but then fans showed him “love” and “asked him to tour again,” which apparently was too much for his fragile ego to handle. “I couldn’t just stay on my sofa,” Lydon said, probably while sitting on his sofa.
Oh, and speaking of sofas, PIL is also recording new material for an album coming out in early 2027, because apparently the world needs more music from a band that’s been around since the Carter administration. They’re also dropping a live album called “Alive,” which is ironic since half the audience will be wondering if Lydon is still among the living by the end of each show.
The current lineup includes Lydon (vocals, complaints), Lu Edmonds (guitar, whatever that weird instrument is), Scott Firth (bass, probably confused), and Mark Roberts (drums, the new guy who doesn’t know any better yet). They replace Bruce Smith, who apparently escaped with his hearing intact.
So there you have it, America. Your chance to see a living legend, or at least a living person who was once relevant, is coming to a city near you. Just don’t expect him to remember the words to “Public Image” or to not make at least one uncomfortable comment about your city’s politics. That’s just John being John—the lovable, grumpy uncle of punk rock who refuses to stay in his retirement home.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
