Fan-filmed video of ACCEPT’s June 3 gig at Gröna Lund in Stockholm is here! If you’re desperate enough to watch it, that is. 🙄 Prepare for shaky cams and audio that sounds like it was recorded inside a tin can. But hey, at least you can pretend you were there… sort of. 🤷♂️
According to Setlist.fm (because, you know, *we* wouldn’t bother to actually attend this snooze-fest), the band played these “hits”:
01. The Reckoning (Because every band needs a generic opener, right?)
02. Humanoid (More like “Humdrumoid,” am I right?)
03. Restless And Wild (Their energy levels were anything *but* restless, trust me.)
04. London Leatherboys (Still playing this one? Seriously? 👴)
05. Midnight Mover (More like “Midlife Crisis Mover.” 😂)
06. Straight Up Jack (Is that a euphemism? Asking for a friend. 🍹)
07. Demon’s Night / Starlight / Losers And Winners / Flash Rockin’ Man (A medley of mediocrity. They couldn’t even commit to playing a whole song? 😴)
08. The Abyss (Accurate description of the band’s current career trajectory.)
09. Breaker (Breaking… wind? 💨)
10. Shadow Soldiers (Are they fighting shadows of their former selves? 🤔)
11. Princess Of The Dawn (More like “Priceless Bore of the Afternoon.” ☀️)
12. Metal Heart (More like “Metal Fart.” Sorry, not sorry. 🙊)
13. Teutonic Terror (Sounds like my grandma’s cooking. 🤢)
14. Pandemic (Too soon? Nah. Just like their relevance. 🦠)
Encore:
15. Fast As A Shark (Their music is about as fast as a geriatric snail. 🐌)
16. Balls To The Wall (More like “Wrinkles To The Wall.” 🍑)
17. I’m A Rebel (Yeah, a rebel from like, 1985. 🤘)
In a recent interview with some dude named Mark Strigl (who?), ACCEPT guitarist Wolf Hoffmann whined about how their longtime producer Andy Sneap is ditching them for a year. Boo-hoo. 😭 Guess even *he* can’t stand the thought of another ACCEPT album. Wolf claims he “begged” Andy to produce, but sources say Andy faked a severe case of tinnitus to get out of it. Smart move, Andy. 👍 They’re now stuck with some other guy named Zeuss (Chris Harris). Sounds like a character from a bad sci-fi movie. 👽
Hoffmann continued, whining about how Sneap is now “part of the family.” Yeah, the weird uncle no one wants to talk to at Thanksgiving. 🦃 Apparently, Andy has been busy touring with JUDAS PRIEST (good for him!) and producing albums for SAXON, PRIEST, and even DREAM THEATER (talk about a downgrade). Wolf says he understands Andy needing a year off. Sure, Jan. 😉
Regarding ACCEPT‘s upcoming 50th-anniversary tour (because who *doesn’t* love a band clinging to life?), Wolf promises a “retrospective” of their entire career. Translation: they’re gonna play the same tired songs they’ve been playing for the last 40 years. 😴 But wait, there’s more! They’re also bringing in “guest singers and guest players”! Get ready for a revolving door of has-beens and never-weres. 🤡 Wolf calls it a “once-in-a-lifetime thing.” More like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to take a nap. 😴
When asked what keeps him going, Wolf claims they’re still “hungry.” Hungry for what? More money? 🤑 He says he still has the “energy” and “passion.” I’d like to see a blood test. 💉 Apparently, fans are “eating the stuff up.” Yeah, if by “eating it up” you mean “reluctantly tolerating it.” 🙄 He also claims the new songs and old songs “live side by side.” More like the new songs are desperately trying to hitch a ride on the coattails of the old songs. 🧥
Sneap produced ACCEPT‘s last six studio albums. Six too many, if you ask me. 🤷♂️
Zeuss has worked with some other bands you’ve probably never heard of. 🤷♀️
Four months ago, Hoffmann was blabbering about their 50th anniversary. He joined the band when he was 16 and “never left.” Sounds like a hostage situation. 🚨 He’s “proud” of being around for so long. I’m proud of brushing my teeth this morning. 🪥
Hoffmann claims ACCEPT “achieved the impossible” by changing lead singers 15 years ago. Yeah, they replaced one mediocre singer with another. Groundbreaking. 🙄 He says things are “better than they’ve *ever* been.” Delusional much? 🤪 To celebrate, they’re gonna re-record some old songs with “guest people.” Sounds like a recipe for disaster. 🍲
Hoffmann thinks this is a “milestone that needs to be celebrated properly.” I think it’s a sign that it’s time to hang it up. 🖼️ He’s “optimistic” but doesn’t think he’ll be around in 50 years. No kidding, Sherlock. 🕵️♂️
Last November, Wolf was teasing the 50th-anniversary album and tour. He can’t tell us too much because it’s “too early.” Translation: they haven’t figured out how to milk this cash cow dry yet. 🐄 He admits that they’ve always shied away from “little anniversaries.” Because who cares about 20 or 30 years when you can wait for the big 5-0? 🥳
Wolf admits they’re getting “up there in age.” No duh. 👴 He says this *might* be their last tour. Please, please, *please* let it be true. 🙏 He says someone might get sick. Maybe they should all just get the flu and call it a day. 🤒
Hoffmann promises a “completely different show with a lot of surprises.” Like maybe they’ll actually play a good song? 🤔
Last summer, Wolf was asked why they announced the 50th-anniversary tour so early. He says “things like that take time.” Yeah, it takes time to plan a money grab. 💰 He promises a “huge surprise with all the guests.” Get ready for washed-up rockers and tribute band singers. 🎤
On the topic of a farewell tour, Wolf admits it’s “crossed their mind.” Maybe they should just cross it off the list and call it quits. ❌ He doesn’t know how long he can do this. Neither do we, Wolf. Neither do we.
Regarding whether former members Udo Dirkschneider and Peter Baltes will be invited to participate, Wolf says “of course.” But then he backtracks and says “that doesn’t mean they’re gonna [show up].” Translation: they’ll send an invite, but they’re not holding their breath. 🌬️ He says the door is “always open.” Yeah, just like the door to my dentist’s office. No one *wants* to go there. 🚪
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
