Apple has officially decided to stop pretending their laptops are made of unicorn tears and solid gold, announcing the MacBook Neo—a device that starts at a shockingly reasonable $799 CAD. Yes, you read that right. Apple, the company that once charged $19 for a polishing cloth, is now making something vaguely affordable. Revolutionary!
Designed to deliver that signature Apple “I’m better than you” experience without requiring a second mortgage, the MacBook Neo comes with everything you’d expect—plus a few new colors to match your artisanal oat milk latte. We’re talking blush, indigo, silver, and a zesty new citrus shade that screams, “I’m fun at parties… but still too expensive to attend them.”
And let’s talk about that display. The 13-inch Liquid Retina screen can show 1 billion colors, which is perfect for when you need to differentiate between 999,999,999 shades of beige while editing your resume. Apple has truly outdone themselves here, because nothing says “budget-friendly” like a display that could make a rainbow weep with inadequacy.
Apple’s Senior Vice President of Hardware Engineering, John Ternus, couldn’t contain his excitement, saying, “We’re incredibly excited to introduce MacBook Neo, which delivers the magic of the Mac at a breakthrough price.” Translation: “We finally heard you complaining about our prices and decided to throw you a bone. Enjoy it, peasants!”
But wait, there’s more! The MacBook Neo is powered by the A18 Pro chip—yes, the same chip from the iPhone 16 series. Because why let a perfectly good phone chip go to waste when you can stick it in a laptop and call it innovation? Apple claims this chip makes web browsing 50% faster than PCs with Intel Core Ultra 5. That’s right, folks—your cat videos will load in record time, and you’ll finally be able to Google “Why is my MacBook so expensive?” before the page even finishes loading.
And for those of you who love editing photos of your avocado toast, the Neo promises to be “various percentages faster” than other PCs. That’s right—we’re not even sure how much faster, but it’s definitely “various.” Plus, it’s completely fanless, so you can work in silence while pretending you’re in a coffee shop even though you’re really just in your pajamas at 3 PM.
But Apple didn’t stop at just making a cheap laptop—they made an eco-friendly one too. The Neo is built with 90% recycled aluminum and 100% recycled cobalt in the battery. Even the packaging is made from fiber-based materials, so you can feel good about saving the planet while spending $799 on a laptop that will be obsolete in two years.
So, if you’ve been waiting for Apple to release something that won’t require you to sell your soul (or your car), the MacBook Neo is here to save the day. Pre-orders are now available in 30 countries, including Canada, with shipments arriving on March 11th. Just don’t forget to sell your old MacBook first—you know, to help cover the cost of this “budget-friendly” masterpiece. 🍎💰
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
