I’m sitting here sipping my coffee, reading about the latest shooting in Brooklyn, and I just can’t help but think, what’s going on in this city? At least eight people, including four children, were shot during a July 4 barbecue in the Coney Island neighborhood of Brooklyn on Saturday, according to police. I mean, who shoots up a family gathering? It’s just unbelievable. The victims ranged in age from 6 to 37, and thankfully, most of them are stable, except for a 21-year-old woman who’s in critical condition. The police are still looking for the guy who did it, but they did find a TEC-9-style firearm with an extended magazine at the scene, because, you know, that’s exactly what you need to make a family BBQ more exciting.
The police commissioner, Jessica Tisch, said that the shooter was dressed in all black and wore a black ski mask, because, you know, that’s not suspicious at all. He just walked up to the fence line and started firing, and then he took off on foot. I mean, it’s not like he was trying to make a statement or anything. The police are still trying to figure out the motive, but they did mention that there was a gang-related homicide on the same block last week, so maybe there’s a connection. Maybe.
The mayor, Zohran Mamdani, said that there’s no place for this kind of violence in the city, and I’m like, yeah, no kidding. He also said that they’ll fight it with every tool at their disposal, which is great, but I’m not sure what that means exactly. Are they going to add more cops to the streets? Improve community outreach programs? I don’t know, but I hope they do something, because this is just getting ridiculous.
In other news, an NYPD detective was shot in the Crown Heights neighborhood on Sunday, but thankfully, he’s okay. He was wearing a ballistic vest, which probably saved his life. The suspect, an 18-year-old kid, approached the detective’s unmarked vehicle and started shooting, because, you know, that’s a great way to spend your Sunday morning. The detective was working a 12-hour shift, protecting New Yorkers on the Fourth of July, and I’m like, bless his heart. He’s just trying to do his job, and some kid tries to shoot him. It’s just crazy.
The police commissioner said that the detective was struck in the back of his vest, but he’s not seriously injured, which is great news. The suspect was Tasered and taken into custody, and I’m like, good riddance. I don’t know what’s going on with these kids, but they need to get their act together. Anyway, that’s the latest from Brooklyn, folks. Just another day in the city, where you can get shot at a family BBQ or while protecting the streets. Yeah, it’s a tough town, but someone’s gotta do it. And on that note, I’m going to refill my coffee cup, because I need a little pick-me-up after reading about all this chaos. 🙄
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
