Oh, the humanity! Or, you know, the Marvel Cinematic Universe-ity. Those “epic” Avengers movies, Doomsday and Secret Wars, have been delayed. Again. Because apparently, even with a budget bigger than some small countries, they still can’t get their act together. Maybe they should try hiring competent writers instead of just throwing money at the problem? Just a thought. 🤷♂️
So, yeah, the Mouse House decided to shuffle around its plastic chess pieces again. Avengers: Doomsday, formerly slated to grace our screens in May 2026, is now scheduled for a festive December 18, 2026 release. Avengers: Secret Wars, not wanting to be left out of the fun, has also packed its bags and moved from May 27, 2027, to December 17, 2027. I mean, who needs sunshine and flowers when you can have CGI explosions and convoluted plotlines during the holidays? 🎄
According to “insiders” (aka some intern who overheard a conversation near the water cooler), these delays are necessary to “fine-tune the gargantuan vision.” Gargantuan? Is that code for “we realized the script makes absolutely no sense and we need to rewrite the whole thing”? Because that’s usually what happens when you try to cram every single character from the comics into one movie. 🙄
And speaking of characters, remember that “viral” YouTube video where they showed the names on the back of the casting chairs? Yeah, that was peak journalism right there. I mean, who needs actual plot details when you can speculate wildly based on the font used for Chris Hemsworth’s name? Oh, and RDJ made a cameo! So, obviously, Iron Man is totally coming back from the dead! Because logic. 🧠
Here’s the earth-shattering video, in case you missed it:
But hey, at least Marvel has had success with December releases! Remember Spider-Man: No Way Home? That movie made, like, a billion dollars! So, clearly, delaying these Avengers movies until December is a stroke of genius! It’s not like people might be busy with, you know, actual holiday stuff. Nope, they’ll all be lining up to see more CGI superheroes punching each other. 💥
And what about poor Spider-Man? His next movie, Spider-Man: Brand New Day (because apparently, they’re out of creative titles), was supposed to be sandwiched between these Avengers behemoths. But now? Who knows! Maybe they’ll just forget about him entirely. After all, who needs Spider-Man when you have… checks notes… uh… Moon Knight? Yeah, that’s the ticket! 🌙
Tom Holland was noticeably absent from the casting chair video, which, of course, sent the internet into a frenzy. “Is he in the movie?” “Is he not in the movie?” “Does he even exist anymore?” The speculation is truly mind-blowing. I mean, it’s not like actors ever take breaks or have other commitments. They’re just waiting by the phone for Kevin Feige to call. 📞
So, there you have it. The Avengers movies are delayed. Again. But don’t worry, Marvel has a plan! A gargantuan plan! A plan so gargantuan, it requires an extra seven months of “fine-tuning.” I’m sure it will all be worth it in the end. Or, you know, it’ll be another overhyped, underwhelming CGI fest that we’ll all forget about in a week. Place your bets! 💰
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
