Oh, sweet merciful bananas! 🍌 Nintendo, in its infinite wisdom (or maybe just a desperate attempt to sell more Switch 2s), has graced us with the news that a Direct showcase dedicated to the gaming masterpiece, nay, the transcendent experience that is Donkey Kong Bananza, will be erupting onto our screens on June 18th. Prepare yourselves, peasants, for fifteen minutes of pure, unadulterated hype! 🎉
As the glorious year of the Nintendo Switch 2 launch continues (because apparently, it’s been so long we need to be reminded 🙄), the game releases are reaching new heights of mediocrity! Nintendo, bless their clueless hearts, announced today that a Direct showcase focusing on the upcoming Switch 2 exclusive, Donkey Kong Bananza, will be broadcast on Wednesday, June 18th, at the ungodly hour of 6am PT / 9am ET / 2pm UK time. Because who needs sleep when there’s a slightly upgraded monkey game to look forward to? 😴 The announcement, spotted in the “Nintendo Today!” app (which, let’s be honest, nobody actually uses), promises that the developers will be droning on about the Switch 2 exclusive. The announcement also revealed that the Direct will only last fifteen minutes, which is probably for the best, considering how much excitement one can realistically handle.
Donkey Kong Bananza, slated to release on July 17th (mark your calendars, folks, it’s going to be a historic day… or not), is supposedly the first “major” Nintendo title to grace the Switch 2 after its earth-shattering launch. One of the game’s “hidden” details, which was totally not leaked on purpose for publicity, is a shot of Donkey Kong hanging out with an unknown purple rock character. Apparently, Donkey Kong rescues the rock after finding it buried in the ground on Ingot Island, and the pair embark on a grand adventure together. Because what’s more exciting than a monkey and a rock? 🪨 This groundbreaking revelation was brought to you by an accidental artwork post uploaded to Nintendo’s Korean site. You stay classy, Nintendo.
The burning question on everyone’s mind (or maybe just mine, because I have nothing better to do) is, who in their right mind is developing Donkey Kong Bananza? When asked by IGN earlier this year, Nintendo of America’s vice president of product and player experience, Bill Trinen, gave the most evasive answer possible: “It’s a very good question. You’ll have to stay tuned. We always like to start by showcasing the game and getting people focused on the gameplay, but we’ll have some information to share about the developer in due time.” Translation: “We have no idea who’s making this game, and frankly, we’re terrified to find out.” 🙈
If anyone is delusional enough to think there will be other announcements about other Switch 2 games or projects, prepare to be disappointed. Since Wednesday’s Direct will only be fifteen minutes long, the focus will be exclusively on Donkey Kong Bananza. For the die-hard Nintendo fanatics (who clearly have too much time on their hands), this game’s launch should help pad out the Switch 2’s pathetic list of exclusive games. So far, only Mario Kart World and Welcome Tour are currently out. But fear not, gamers! You can expect to hear more about the Switch 2 exclusives soon for Survival Kids, Kirby Air Riders, and the recently announced Splatoon Raiders. The hype is real! (not) 🤡
CGMagazine’s very own EIC, Brendan Frye, had the “privilege” to preview Donkey Kong Bananza, noting “how well it runs on the Nintendo Switch 2” and “incredible how much of the world [the player] can smash through.” Frye, in a moment of sheer hyperbole, compared the destructibility elements to those of the original Red Faction game. “I’m amazed this is even possible on the Nintendo Switch 2. It might seem like a small detail, but the system’s ability to keep track of all the chaos you cause is impressive and shows what the new Switch 2 can really do,” Frye continued. Translation: “It’s slightly better than the last Donkey Kong game, I guess?” 🤷♀️
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
