So, METALLICA’s tour coordinator, this dude Jon-Michael Marino (who?), gave KPIX (aka CBS Bay Area, which, let’s be honest, nobody watches) and NBC Bay Area (same difference) a sneak peek behind the curtain of their Santa Clara show at Levi’s Stadium. Because, you know, everyone’s dying to know how many guitar picks they use. 🙄 Two whole video reports! As if anyone has the attention span for that.
The “M72” world tour (because naming tours is hard) finally stumbled into METALLICA‘s alleged hometown, the San Francisco Bay Area. They played two nights! TWO! Like, who has the time? 😴
“Oh, the energy is different in your hometown,” Jon-Michael Marino droned to KPIX. “Maybe there’s a little extra pressure, a little extra incentive.” Yeah, sure, Jon-Michael. Or maybe they just charge extra for parking. 🤔 “Some of the best shows are absolutely the hometown shows.” Says the guy who gets paid regardless. 🤣
Apparently, 350 crew members (mostly roadies probably complaining about craft services) invaded Levi’s Stadium for eight whole days. Six days of setup! Unloading 87 semi-trucks full of… stuff. Hundreds of tons of equipment. It’s a circular stage, because circles are edgy. Eight towers, 588 speakers (because subtlety is for losers), miles of fiber optic cable (for that sweet, sweet internet), 192 audio inputs (for Lars’s drum solos, obviously), and 72 cameras (to capture every angle of James Hetfield’s scowl). 📸
Jon-Michael Marino (still talking, huh?) said there are FOUR drum kits on stage. Four! Two backups in the truck. Because Lars is known for his gentle touch. 🥁 64 guitars and basses, 36 show-ready (12 per band member). Apparently, they break strings a lot. Or maybe they just like collecting guitars. 🎸 6,000 guitar picks used or given out per concert. That’s a lot of plastic waste. ♻️ And only 25 drumsticks? Lars must be hoarding them. 💰
Why so many guitars? “Various tunings,” Marino explained. “Strings breaking, guitars going out of tune.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excuses, excuses. Just admit you like guitars. 🙄
More than 55,000 METALLICA fans (mostly dads reliving their youth) showed up on Friday. Ticket prices from $70 to $1,800! Talk about highway robbery! 💸 For that price, you should get to play “Enter Sandman” with them. 🎤
Fans lined up at 3 a.m. for limited-edition merchandise. 3 a.m.! For a t-shirt? People have issues. 👕
The “M72” tour is in support of “72 Seasons” (another brilliant name). Two-night, no-repeat shows in each city. Because seeing them once just isn’t enough torture. They’re playing on a ring-shaped stage, with the Snake Pit in the center. Sounds like a cheesy carnival ride. 🐍 Four drum sets so Lars can get closer to the audience. Because everyone wants to be close to Lars. Said no one ever. 🙅♀️
METALLICA‘s manager, Cliff Burnstein, claims 80-90% of fans attend both shows. Sure, Cliff. And I’m the King of England. 👑 Maybe they’re just lost and can’t find their cars. 🚗
Since April 2023, “M72” has played to three million fans. Hailed as “life-affirming,” “impossible to leave unsatisfied,” “a stone-cold stunner,” “the mother of all summer concerts,” and “as tight and furious as METALLICA has sounded in ages.” By whom? Their moms? Paid reviewers? 🤔 “M72” continues to amaze fans and critics alike. Or maybe just the ones who haven’t heard music before. 🤷♀️
The “M72” tour’s 2025 itinerary continues the “No Repeat Weekend” tradition. Because repeating songs would be too predictable. Gotta keep those fans on their toes! Or maybe they just forgot how to play the old ones. 👴
Support on “M72”‘s 2025 North American run: PANTERA (without Dimebag and Vinnie Paul, RIP), LIMP BIZKIT (still?), SUICIDAL TENDENCIES (how are they still going?), and ICE NINE KILLS (who?). A real mixed bag of nostalgia and “who are these guys?” 🤔
“M72” is presented by inKind, an app that rewards diners. Because nothing says “heavy metal” like restaurant discounts. 🍔
As always, a portion of proceeds goes to All Within My Hands. Because even metalheads have a conscience. Or at least a PR team. 😇 They’ve raised over $15 million, which is cool, I guess. 👍
The videos are there if you’re really bored. 😴
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
