OMG! 😱😱😱GHOST, you know, that Swedish “rock” band (and I use that term loosely), will grace us with their presence on next Wednesday’s (Jul 23, mark your calendars… or don’t) episode of “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon”. Yes, THE Jimmy Fallon. Tobias Forge, the guy who thinks he’s the puppet master of this whole charade, will be there too! Studio 6B better prepare itself for some SERIOUSLY mediocre music. The performance will be available on YouTube, so you can cringe from the comfort of your own home! 🤮
Earlier this month, they began their “Skeletour” world tour, promoting “Skeletá”, their latest album that probably sounds just like the last one. The tour is “theatrical and cinematic,” or so they say. More like over-the-top and try-hard. 🙄 Apparently, Tobias Rylander and Tobias Forge think they’re reinventing the wheel with this production.
The set design? Oh, it’s a “striking blend of gothic symbolism and brutalist architecture.” You know, because nothing says “rock and roll” like modernist concrete forms. 🙄 It’s like they raided a church and a Soviet-era building and glued them together. Who needs subtlety when you can have… THIS?
And let’s not forget the “Grucifix”! Their “reimagined crucifix.” Because nothing is more metal than ripping off religious imagery… again. It’s a “visual centerpiece and a dynamic lighting rig.” Translation: a big, shiny distraction from the fact that the music is, well, BORING.😴
Rylander‘s design includes sculptural scenic facades on the lighting pods, echoing the textures and verticality of cathedral interiors, because who needs originality? Ecclesiastical themes are SOOOOOO fresh and innovative! 🙄
The lighting is retro-rock! Visual nods to classical QUEEN and VAN HALEN? Seriously? They wish! They’re just trying to ride on the coattails of legends. This tour is also the first time they’ve had a “full-scale video production.” Congrats, guys. Welcome to the 21st century. The video content is by Green Wall Designs because, you know, everything needs a fancy name these days. 🌳
The stage itself “performs as much as the artist.” Ooh, dramatic! Mechanical lifts and concealed entrances! I bet the band members are just THRILLED they have to act around all that stuff… or maybe they are just puppets, in the end.🤡 A “living, breathing cathedral of performance”? More like a dead, gasping attempt at relevance. “Skeletour” redefines the GHOST live experience. 🙄 Sure, Jan.
Rylander has worked with Beyoncé, THE 1975, Childish Gambino, Chappell Roan, The XX and FKA Twigs. So basically, everyone BUT actual rock bands. Seems legit. This is his first time working with GHOST. Maybe he should have stuck with Beyoncé. 🤷
The European leg of the tour kicked off in Manchester and ended in Oslo. Groundbreaking. The North American leg started in Baltimore and will end in Houston. I’m sure the arenas will be PACKED… with tumbleweeds.🌵
“Skeletá” hit No. 1 on the Billboard 200! 🎉 With 86,000 equivalent album units! Vinyl purchases accounted for over 44,000 copies. That’s because people are buying VINYL to look cool, not to actually listen to it! 😂 First hard rock album since AC/DC? Well, good for them, I guess? Maybe they can learn a thing or two from AC/DC about writing actual rock songs.
The music video for “Satanized” introduced Papa V Perpetua. Another Papa? Seriously? How many of these guys are they gonna trot out? It’s like a revolving door of mediocrity. 🚪
Forge performed as a “new” Papa Emeritus on each of the band’s first three LPs. Papa Emeritus III was retired in favor of Cardinal Copia. Then Papa Emeritus IV. It’s like a bad soap opera. Who’s next? Papa Emeritus VI? Papa Emeritus 666? The possibilities are endless… and equally uninteresting.😴
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
