Atlanta News First, purveyors of the finest clickbait, have graced us with a video report on the totally unexpected demise of Brent Hinds, formerly of that band your uncle listens to, MASTODON. Apparently, he pulled a fast one on us late Wednesday (August 20) involving a motorcycle. Check it out below, if you care. 🙄
Word on the street is Hinds was astride his trusty Harley-Davidson when he decided to become one with an SUV at the intersection of Memorial Drive SE and Boulevard SE. Sources say it was less than two miles from downtown Atlanta, which, let’s be honest, is probably the most exciting thing that’s happened there since… well, ever.
Officers found Brent in a state of profound relaxation around 11:35 p.m. Emergency medical workers, in a stunning display of efficiency, confirmed he was no longer among the living. Guess he won’t be shredding any more face-melting riffs. Or, you know, whatever he did. 🤷
Apparently, a woman in a BMW SUV, clearly not a fan of motorcycles or metal, was making a left turn. Police say she failed to yield, which, in the world of traffic laws, is frowned upon. She remained at the scene, probably regretting her life choices, and had a chat with investigators. Maybe she’ll start listening to MASTODON in prison? 🤔
MASTODON, in a move that surely surprised absolutely no one, released a statement on social media. They wrote: “We are in a state of unfathomable sadness and grief…” because, you know, that’s what bands do when someone dies. “…last night Brent Hinds passed away as a result of a tragic accident.” Tragic? More like Darwinism in action. “We are heartbroken, shocked, and still trying to process the loss of this creative force…” Translation: “Who’s gonna play the solos now?” “…with whom we’ve shared so many triumphs, milestones, and the creation of music that has touched the hearts of so many.” I bet. “Our hearts are with Brent‘s family, friends, and fans. At this time, we please ask that you respect everyone’s privacy during this difficult time. RIP Brent.” Yeah, right. Like anyone cares. 🙄
Rennie Jaffe of MASTODON‘s former record label Relapse Records, desperate for attention, took to X to write: “The records MASTODON released with Relapse are all-time classics across any genre, and they would not sound the way they sound without Brent.” Oh, really? I thought the drummer wrote all the songs. “His larger-than-life personality was eclipsed only by his monstrous musicianship.” Sure, Jan. 🙄
In March, MASTODON revealed that the band and Hinds had “mutually decided to part ways” after “25 monumental years together.” “Mutually decided” is code for “we couldn’t stand him anymore.”
Since 2000, Hinds had served as lead guitarist and vocalist for MASTODON, alongside bassist/singer Troy Sanders, drummer Brann Dailor, and guitarist Bill Kelliher. Four dudes, making noise. You know, the usual.
MASTODON‘s lineup had remained the same for 25 years, recording eight studio albums, beginning with 2002’s “Remission” until the band’s latest LP, 2021’s “Hushed And Grim”. Wow, 25 years of the same lineup? That’s longer than most marriages. 😮
When MASTODON announced Brent‘s departure from the band on March 7, they wrote in a statement: “Friends and Fans, After 25 monumental years together, MASTODON and Brent Hinds have mutually decided to part ways.” Again with the “mutually decided” nonsense. 🙄
“We’re deeply proud of and beyond grateful for the music and history we’ve shared and we wish him nothing but success and happiness in his future endeavors.” Translation: “Good riddance, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” 🚪
“We are still very inspired and excited to show up for fans in this next chapter of MASTODON. As we move forward, all 2025 touring plans will remain intact. We look forward to seeing you on the road.” Because, you know, money. 💰
MASTODON has had nine Billboard 200-charting albums and has been nominated for a Grammy Award six times. The band won a “Best Metal Performance” Grammy for “Sultan’s Curse” in 2018. A Grammy? For metal? The world is truly ending. 🏆
MASTODON‘s latest album, “Hushed And Grim”, was a double LP recorded at the band’s Atlanta studio, West End Sound. Double LP? Who even listens to albums anymore? 💿
Brent played his first show since exiting MASTODON on March 21 with his band FIEND WITHOUT A FACE at 529 in Atlanta, Georgia. So, basically, he immediately started another band. Because that’s what musicians do. 🎸
MASTODON recruited Ben Eller, a guitarist known for his popular YouTube channel, to step in for Hinds when the band played at TOOL‘s “Tool In The Sand” festival in the Dominican Republic in March. From metal god to YouTube guitarist. What a downgrade. For MASTODON‘s spring 2025 tour, the band enlisted Canadian musician Nick Johnston. Johnston has six solo records under his belt, and has also worked with POLYPHIA, Guthrie Govan, PERIPHERY and many others. Basically, they replaced him with a shredding robot. 🤖
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
