OMG! 😱 GHOST, those Swedish purveyors of… uh… *theatrical rock* (whatever that means), have apparently decided to bless us with MORE of their “Skeletour” world tour in 2026! Yes, you read that right, MORE! As if we haven’t suffered enough already. Brace yourselves, folks, because Papa Whatever-Number-They’re-On-Now is coming to a soulless arena near you, starting January 21 at the Kia Center in Orlando, Florida (because, of course, Florida). And it staggers, like a zombie🤘, through February 23 at the Intuit Dome in Los Angeles. Prepare to be… underwhelmed.
Wanna throw your money💰 at these guys early? Well, buckle up, buttercup, because Citi and Verizon are here to enable your bad decisions with some exclusive pre-sales. Because nothing screams “rock and roll rebellion” like corporate synergy! The artist presale (lol, “artist”) kicks off on Tuesday, September 30 at 10 a.m. local time. Additional pre-sales (because one presale isn’t enough to bleed your wallet dry) will haunt you all week long, leading up to the general on-sale (the one where even *I* could potentially get tickets) on Friday, October 3 at 10 a.m. local time at ghost-official.com. Good luck competing with the bots!🤖
Half a million tickets sold?!!? 🥴 Who ARE these people? I mean, good for them, but also, seriously? Apparently, GHOST‘s “historic” (their words, not mine) sold-out show at Madison Square Garden on July 22 wasn’t enough. They need MORE adoration, MORE screaming fans, MORE… whatever it is they’re selling. This 2026 tour promises to “further expand” their community, attracting “their largest and most diverse audiences to date.” Translation: they’re trying to rope in your grandma👵 and your edgy teenage cousin. All are “welcome to escape the travails of daily life and to become one with the enthralling GHOST ritual.” Or, you know, just stay home and watch Netflix. 🤷
But wait, there’s MORE! Continuing their “tradition” of forcing people to live in the pre-smartphone era, “Skeletour” world tour 2026 will be a “phone-free experience.” Yes, you’ll be forced to surrender your precious📱 to a Yondr pouch, like some kind of hostage situation. Don’t worry, you “maintain possession” of your phone. It’s just… unusable. Because nothing says “engaging with the music” like being digitally lobotomized. 😶
And because no rock band is complete without shilling out garbage merch, GHOST is unleashing a “limited edition” version of “Skeletá”, available at Target. Yes, Target. This “unholy relic” (eye roll) is pressed on special Violet Mist vinyl (ooh, fancy!) and comes in a silver-foiled box with an exclusive T-shirt and a collectible Papa V overlay. Pre-order now, or, you know, just buy a candy bar on Halloween. 🎃🍫
Citi and Verizon want even MORE of your money! 💳 Citi cardmembers get presale access starting Monday, September 29. Verizon customers also get an “exclusive” presale, “no strings attached.” Except, you know, the strings of being trapped in a contract with Verizon. Details are in the My Verizon app. Because who doesn’t love downloading bloatware for the chance to buy overpriced tickets? 🙃
Here’s a list of cities you might want to avoid in early 2026:🤮
Jan. 21 – Orlando, FL – Kia Center
Jan. 22 – Jacksonville, FL – VyStar Veterans Memorial Arena
Jan. 24 – Knoxville, TN – Thompson-Boling Arena at Food City Center
Jan. 25 – Charlotte, NC – Spectrum Center
Jan. 26 – Greenville, SC – Bon Secours Wellness Arena
Jan. 28 – Uncasville, CT – Mohegan Sun Arena
Jan. 30 – Montreal, QC – Bell Centre
Jan. 31 – Toronto, ON – Scotiabank Arena
Feb. 02 – Columbus, OH – Nationwide Arena
Feb. 04 – Cincinnati, OH – Heritage Bank Center
Feb. 05 – Peoria, IL – Peoria Civic Center Arena
Feb. 07 – Tulsa, OK – BOK Center
Feb. 10 – Salt Lake City, UT – Delta Center
Feb. 12 – Spokane, WA – Spokane Arena
Feb. 14 – Vancouver, BC – Rogers Arena
Feb. 15 – Seattle, WA – Climate Pledge Arena
Feb. 17 – Portland, OR – Moda Center
Feb. 20 – Sacramento, CA – Golden 1 Center
Feb. 21 – Anaheim, CA – Honda Center
Feb. 23 – Inglewood, CA – Intuit Dome
Oh, and those final shows this year? Filmed. For posterity. Because apparently, we need MORE GHOST content shoved down our throats. 🤢
The Mexico City concert cancellation due to Tobias Forge‘s food poisoning was a blessing in disguise. But fear not, the other two shows were filmed on 16mm film “for the rest of the world to see at some point.” Get ready for a cinematic experience you didn’t ask for!🎬
This whole tour is in support of “Skeletá”, which is apparently a thing that exists. It’s supposed to be a “bold evolution” in GHOST‘s live performances. Designed by Tobias Rylander and Forge, it promises a “grander and more ambitious scale than ever before.” Translation: more smoke, more mirrors, more Papa-themed everything.🪞
The set design is a “striking blend of gothic symbolism and brutalist architecture.” So, basically, a haunted concrete bunker. The stage will transform into a “sanctum of dark majesty,” part sacred temple, part rock coliseum. Because nothing says “sacred” like a bunch of dudes in corpse paint. 💀
At the core of it all is the “Grucifix,” GHOST‘s “reimagined crucifix.” Because nothing says “originality” like ripping off religious iconography. It’s a visual centerpiece and a dynamic lighting rig, casting an “ethereal glow” over the stage. Or, you know, just shining a bunch of lights in your eyes.💡
Rylander‘s design includes “sculptural scenic facades” on the lighting pods, echoing cathedral interiors. The lighting leans into a “retro-rock aesthetic,” with nods to QUEEN and VAN HALEN. Because why not just steal from the best? It’s also the first time they’ve done a “full-scale video production.” Because apparently, they were holding back on the visual assault all this time.💥
The stage is “engineered to perform as much as the artist.” Multiple elevated platforms, mechanical lifts, and concealed entrances. It’s a “living, breathing cathedral of performance.” Or, you know, just a bunch of moving parts to distract you from the mediocre music. 🙄
Rylander has worked with artists like Beyoncé, THE 1975, and FKA Twigs. Apparently, he’s slumming it with GHOST now. No offense.😂
The European leg happened already. The North American leg happened already too. 🌍
They use Yondr, so you can’t use your phone. We’ve covered this already. Still annoying.😒
“Skeletá” hit No. 1 on the Billboard 200. Apparently, people have terrible taste. Just kidding… mostly.🤷♀️
“Satanized” introduced Papa V Perpetua. Because we needed another Papa. Seriously, how many are there gonna be? 👴👴👴👴👴
Forge keeps changing the Papa. It’s a whole thing. A weird, confusing thing. But hey, at least it keeps them in the news.📰
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
