🎸 Dean DeLeo from STONE TEMPLE PILOTS (the band your dad used to blast in the minivan 🚐) is whining about Spotify payouts. Boo-hoo! 😭 Apparently, being a rock god ain’t what it used to be when you can’t afford a solid gold toilet 🚽 from streaming pennies. He’s promoting his side hustle, ONE MORE SATELLITE (because STP wasn’t creatively fulfilling enough?), and suddenly he’s a financial expert. 🤣
So, Dean DeLeo, the riff master from STP (you know, the band that kinda sounds like Pearl Jam but not really? 🤔), is crying foul about Spotify in a recent interview with Rock Is George (who?). He claims Spotify is committing a “crime” against artists because, gasp, they don’t get paid enough! 😱
“Oh noes! My band, which peaked in the early 90s, isn’t raking in BILLIONS like Bad Bunny! 😡 It’s a travesty!” he probably wailed while polishing his vintage guitar (that he probably bought with record sales, not Spotify streams). He moans about how STP only has “a few hundred million streams” – ONLY?! – and how the CEO is rolling in dough while they’re practically starving! 🍜 (Probably exaggerating, tbh.)
When asked if record labels are also to blame (because, let’s be real, they’re usually the shady ones 😈), DeLeo waffled. “I dunno, man. Maybe? 🤷♂️ If they’re making money, then yeah, maybe they’re a little bit evil too.” Real insightful stuff, Dean. 🙄
But wait, there’s MORE! DeLeo has a new project called ONE MORE SATELLITE. It sounds like a band name generated by AI, tbh. 🤖 He teamed up with some dude from the U.K. (because why not? 🇬🇧) and released an album that probably sounds exactly like you expect. 😴
And guess what? They’re even doing shows! 🎉 (said no one ever). Julia Lage on bass and Brian Tichy on drums (names that scream “I’m available and willing to play for exposure!”) complete the lineup. 🎻
DeLeo also wants you to know that he collaborated with his brother (also in STP, shocking!) and this Shoulder guy on other projects, because apparently the world needed more DeLeo-Shoulder musical masterpieces. 🌍🎶
Let’s not forget DeLeo’s other “short-lived” bands, TALK SHOW and ARMY OF ANYONE, because every rock star needs a few failed projects to remind them of their glory days. 💀
So, there you have it. Dean DeLeo wants your sympathy (and your Spotify streams, ironically) for not being as rich as he thinks he deserves to be. Maybe he should try writing a better song? Just a thought. 🎤🤔
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
