Mary Sighs Patiently As Wise Men Begin ‘Mary Did You Know?’ A Capella
BETHLEHEM — With a long but eventful evening near its end, witnesses said the young Jewish girl Mary bit her…
Month: December 2024
Little Drummer Boy Finally Leaves The Stable And Oh No! Here Comes Little Bagpipe Boy!
BETHLEHEM — Residents of Bethlehem in Judea reported that it was anything but a silent night this evening, as they…
🎮 Microsoft’s Insane Plan: A New Indiana Jones Game Every Week! 🎭
In an era where binging isn’t just for Netflix, Microsoft is setting a whole new standard — and a questionable…
Tips For Preventing Package Theft
Read MoreThe OnionAn estimated 120 million packages are stolen every year. With holiday shopping in full swing,The Onion shares tips…
Jets Fans Required To Sign NDA Before Leaving Stadium
Read MoreThe OnionEAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—With security checkpoints having been set up near every exit, New York Jets fans were reportedly…
60 Minutes Praises The Galactic Empire’s Gun Control Policies
NEW YORK, NY — With firearm violence dominating the news once again, CBS News sought to highlight the progress being…
Dad Can’t Wait To Play With The Toys He Got His Kids For Christmas
BLUE SPRINGS, MO — As holiday preparations continued to be made, one local dad could hardly contain his excitement for…
🎥 Rammstein’s «Behind the Scenes» Doc Shocks Fans: Zero Music, All Bedroom Action! 🌈
If you thought Rammstein’s new documentary «Behind the Scenes of the World Stadium Tour 2019-2024» would reveal the secrets of…
Santa Confirms Everyone Getting Bag Of Glitter Labeled ‘Fairy Dust’ His Sister-In-Law Sells On Etsy
Read MoreThe OnionLAS VEGAS—Stressing how much it meant to Mrs. Claus’ sister to be included for the first time in…
Candace Owens Horrified To Learn Christmas Was Started By Birth Of A Jew
U.S. — Media personality Candace Owens was shocked and appalled today after discovering that Christmas originated because of the birth…