Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because Disney+ Canada is blessing us with *more* content in May 2025. Yes, MORE. As if we didn’t have enough reasons to question our life choices while shoveling poutine into our faces. Get ready to pretend you’re excited about another month of algorithmically-approved entertainment! 🍿
As the weather in Canada continues its dramatic identity crisis (is it spring? is it winter? nobody knows!), Disney+ is here to provide the only reliable constant in our lives: the relentless churn of new content. So, while you’re battling rogue snowstorms in May, you can at least have something to distract you from the existential dread. From the highly anticipated (by someone, somewhere) premiere of *Star Wars: Tales of the Underworld* to the absolutely essential second season of *The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives* (because who *doesn’t* need more reality TV in their lives?), there’s something here to… well, fill the void. Here’s a curated list of things you’ll probably forget about within 48 hours of watching!
Star Wars: Tales of the Underworld
Dropping on Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with your dwindling attention span!), *Star Wars: Tales of the Underworld* is a six-episode extravaganza featuring… *checks notes* …iconic villains? Apparently, Asajj Ventress is now “iconic.” Sure, Jan. Anyway, she’s on the run with a “surprising” ally (probably Jar Jar Binks, let’s be real), while Cad Bane wrestles with his past (which probably involves losing a game of space poker). Get ready for gritty underworld action that will totally justify your Disney+ subscription… for like, a week. 🚀
David Blaine: Do Not Attempt
Because what we *really* need is more David Blaine in our lives, *David Blaine: Do Not Attempt* follows the master of endurance as he travels the globe, learning “special skills and secrets.” Will he hold his breath underwater for three hours? Will he levitate over a pile of Canadian Tire money? Who cares! Just don’t try this at home, kids. Unless you *want* to end up on a viral “epic fail” compilation. 🫁
Nine Puzzles
Yi-Na, a criminal profiler, teams up with Han-Seam, who thinks she killed her uncle (awkward!). Together, they solve mysteries. Because, you know, the world needs *another* crime drama. I’m pretty sure this is the plot of every single crime show ever made. 🕵️♀️
FX’s Adults
Five friends in their 20s navigate the horrors of adulthood in New York. Expect unemployment, boundary issues, and probably a lot of avocado toast. It’s like *Friends*, but with more crippling debt and less witty banter. Tune in to feel slightly better about your own messy life! 🍕
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
