Dear, oh dear, are we seriously calling this the *Final Destination* summer? 🙄 Like, hasn’t death been trendy since, like, forever? And *Bloodlines*? Oh honey, that “morbidly beautiful box office” is just people morbidly curious to see how many ridiculous ways they can kill off perfectly good actors. Let’s be real; it’s not exactly Shakespeare, is it? But hey, if you’re into watching people meet their maker in increasingly absurd ways, who am I to judge? 🤷♀️
So, apparently, Charli XCX (who?) has some thoughts. And by thoughts, I mean she wants to weasel her way into a sequel. Because, you know, every horror franchise needs a pop star’s “vision.” 🙄 Her idea? Groundbreaking. Revolutionary. Basically, it’s “let’s kill off more hot people, but this time, make it *fashion*.” 💅
Final Destination Movies Do Follow The Basic Concept Of Killing ‘Hot People’
Charli XCX, bless her heart, took to TikTok to drop this truth bomb. Apparently, the *Final Destination* movies are about “hot people getting killed.” No moral backbone, just pure, unadulterated hot-person slaughter. Well, duh! 🙄 Did we need a pop star to point out the obvious? I thought everyone knew that horror movies were just thinly veiled excuses to off attractive people in gruesome ways.
And she has a Max subscription? Wow. Groundbreaking information. I am shook.
I mean, let’s be honest, the outfits and decisions in *Friday the 13th*? Questionable at best. But Charli XCX gets it! She’s practically a horror scholar! And that’s why her sequel pitch is so… inspired? 🤔
Charli XCX’s Final Destination Sequel Idea Is Pretty Damned Rad
Okay, so Charli XCX wants to remake *The Neon Demon*, but with more blood and less Nicolas Winding Refn. Got it. She wants to cast a bunch of “It Girls” as the soon-to-be-deceased. Because what says “horror” more than influencers getting their comeuppance? 💅
Here’s the casting call, straight from Charli’s brain: Rachel Sennott, Alex Consani, Gabriette, Romy Mars, herself (obviously), Quenlin Blackwell, Devon Lee Carlson, Jenna Ortega, and Sissy Spacek. It’s like a who’s who of “who are these people?” 🤷♀️
Death stalking supermodels and influencers in Hollywood? Original! Set pieces include a deadly fashion show, a destructive pop concert, and a disastrous horror movie audition. I’m sure the special effects budget alone would bankrupt a small country. 💸
And the dream directors? Ti West, Coralie Fargeat, Robert Rodriguez, and… David Fincher? 🤣 Seriously? Fincher directing a *Final Destination* movie? I’d pay to see that train wreck.
*Final Destination Bloodlines* showed there’s still life in this franchise? Or that people are just desperate for cheap thrills? Either way, Charli XCX wants to throw a “couple log trucks on the fire.” I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds messy. 🔥
I’m devastated about Charli XCX’s *Narnia* casting falling through. Truly, a loss for cinema. But hey, maybe she can just kill off a bunch of “It Girls” at one of her concerts. Seems efficient. 🎤💀
Let’s remember this is all hypothetical. The franchise powers need to make it happen. But if this *Final Destination* talk has you excited to dance with death, fear not! *Bloodlines* is in theaters, and the series is on Max. I’ll try not to imagine David Fincher directing a tribute to his “Vogue” music video. Or any of the other possibilities Charli XCX has left us to ponder. 💭
Enjoy. 👍
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
