OMG! 🙄 Apparently, Hollywood is officially out of ideas, folks! They’re “considering” Hunter Schafer for Princess Zelda in the upcoming live-action movie. Yes, THAT Hunter Schafer from Euphoria, where everyone’s a hot mess express. I mean, who even greenlit this disaster?! 🔥
So, some “industry insider” named Daniel Richtman (never heard of him, must be legit) 🤡 dropped this earth-shattering news on X (formerly Twitter, because Elon is still trying to make that happen). You have to PAY to see the tweet, which automatically makes it 100% credible, right? 😂 Richtman claims Schafer is in the running for Zelda. “Seriously considered,” he says. Translation: Someone in a meeting threw out a name, and now it’s “news.” 📰
Apparently, the internet has been fan-casting Schafer as Zelda for ages. Entertainment Tonight even asked her about it! 🤣 She said she was “honored.” Of course, she is! Who wouldn’t be “honored” to be associated with a potentially career-ruining project? I’m sure she is thrilled! Someone, please think of her! 🙏
Schafer, bless her heart, is known for playing Jules in Euphoria. You know, the show where everyone’s overdosing and making questionable life choices? 💊 She was also in The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes, because apparently dystopian YA adaptations are still a thing. 🐍 And something called “Kinds of Kindness.” Sounds…nice? 🤔
This is the FIRST casting news we’ve gotten for this train wreck, I mean, movie. We knew Avi Arad (Venom dude) was producing, because apparently bad superhero movies qualify you to handle the sacred Legend of Zelda franchise. 🤦♂️ Wes Ball (Maze Runner guy) is directing, because running around in circles is totally what Zelda is about, right? 🏃♂️ And it’s coming out in March 2027, so we have plenty of time to brace ourselves for disappointment. ⏳
Nintendo is also making a Super Mario Bros. movie sequel called “Super Mario World.” Groundbreaking title, guys. 🍄 At least we know that Chris Pratt will be back to voice Mario, because THAT was a stroke of genius the first time. 🎤
So, get ready for the Zelda movie to hit theaters on March 26, 2027. I’m sure it will be a faithful adaptation that honors the source material and doesn’t try to shoehorn in any unnecessary woke garbage. 🤡 Yeah, right. I’m already stocking up on popcorn…and therapy sessions. 🍿
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
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