Finally, some good news! Rian Johnson, the guy who RUINED Star Wars (yeah, I said it 😤), says the next Knives Out movie, Wake Up Dead Man (more like Wake Up My Boredom), is going to be “much more Gothic and grounded in tone.” Translation: He’s panicking and trying to undo the mess he made with Glass Onion. Good luck with that, buddy! 🤣
Oh, so NOW the whodunnit franchise’s creator (self-proclaimed, I’m sure) wants to revert “back to the origins of the genre.” Backpedaling much, Rian? After the “genius” 🙄 that was Glass Onion, suddenly he remembers that Agatha Christie and Edgar Allan Poe existed. Maybe he should have watched a few more of their movies before making that flop of a movie 🍿.
He told Rolling Stone: “It’s incredibly different from Glass Onion.” No duh! Anything would be an improvement! 💩 I mean, come on, a movie so bad it makes you question the very fabric of reality? That takes a special kind of talent… the kind that should be kept far, far away from any beloved franchise.
“We put out a teaser trailer a month ago. It’s much more a Gothic, much more grounded tone. It’s more similar to the first one in that way. It kind of gets back to the real origins of the genre, which, predating [Agatha] Christie, go back to [Edgar Allan] Poe.” So, basically, he’s admitting Glass Onion was a mistake and he’s trying to fix it. Too little, too late, pal. The damage is done. My expectations are in the gutter with this one 🗑️.
The Star Wars: The Last Jedi director (still can’t believe they let him near Star Wars) insists he never wants to “repeat myself.” Oh, the irony! He should try making a good movie instead of just a different one. But hey, at least he’s consistent… consistently disappointing! 😒
He explained: “If I feel like I’m repeating the same thing, or turning the crank on the handle and turning out more of what I did last time, I’m not good enough to hide that from the audience.” Finally, some self-awareness! Maybe he’s not as delusional as I thought… nah, just kidding. He probably thinks he’s a misunderstood genius. 🤔
“So what I end up chasing is the experience of each of these things. It’s not necessarily where I’m going to flip and do a totally different tone, but after three years of working on something that has a particular tone, it’s like you’ve been eating the same thing for lunch every day for three years. I’m more excited about doing something that feels new. That’s similar with the show. It’s not so much a conscious decision. In order to keep it exciting for myself, I don’t want to repeat myself.” Translation: “I’m bored, so I’m going to mess with your favorite franchise some more!” Thanks, Rian! Really appreciate it! 🙄
Johnson would love to continue the franchise for as long as possible. Of course he would! He’s probably hoping to milk it dry until everyone forgets he ever made The Last Jedi. Sorry to break it to you, Rian, but the internet never forgets! 😂
Asked if more films starring Daniel Craig as private investigator Benoit Blanc are in the cards, he replied: “I feel great! Because I have genuinely taken a swing each time that I didn’t think would work.” Wow, so he’s admitting he’s just throwing stuff at the wall and hoping something sticks? What a professional! 🤡
“Ultimately, that’s the thing you’re trying to avoid. The second you feel like you know how to do this, that leads nowhere good. So I feel fantastic. And with the movies, we can keep doing that. I don’t have something in my head right now. You kind of burn the ship into the sea each time and ask yourself, ‘How will I make anything ever again?’ But I would keep doing them as long as I can.” So, he’s basically saying he has no idea what he’s doing, but he’s going to keep doing it anyway. Sounds about right. 🤦♂️
In the meantime, Wake Up Dead Man is due to hit theaters in December. Yeah, I’m sure everyone’s just thrilled. Maybe this time, instead of “woke” garbage, we’ll get a genuinely good mystery. But I’m not holding my breath. 💀
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
