According to Vital Vegas, METALLICA, those geriatric thrashers, are “ready to ink a deal for a Sphere residency” in Las Vegas. Yes, you heard it right, folks! Get ready to see Papa Hetfield’s wrinkles projected onto a giant freakin’ ball! 🤣 The site, which bills itself as “your go-to source for news and opinions about all things Las Vegas,” (because who needs real news, am I right?) reports that the metal “legends” (and I use that term loosely) “could play Sphere in the fall of 2026” after METALLICA’s scheduled “M72” world tour dates conclude with another European run in July 2026, “but specifics haven’t been confirmed or announced yet.” So, basically, it’s all speculation and hot air. Just like their last album. 💨
This past April, METALLICA guitarist Kirk Hammett (you know, the guy who still can’t play a decent solo) was asked by The Hollywood Reporter if he and his bandmates would entertain the possibility of performing at the Las Vegas Sphere, the 17,600-capacity venue which has transformed live entertainment since opening in September 2023. He responded: “Oh, heck, yeah! That’s a great example of how venues are changing. That’s using modern technology to the fullest, to really up the levels of production and entertainment, connected to A.I. and making it a crazy experience.” Oh Kirk, bless your heart. You think AI can fix your guitar playing? 😂 Maybe it can auto-tune James’s vocals too while it’s at it!
A massive, spherical venue known for its immersive entertainment experiences, including concerts and films, featuring a state-of-the-art 16K resolution wraparound screen and a powerful sound system, the Las Vegas Sphere is nestled near the Venetian Resort and Wynn Las Vegas just off the Las Vegas Strip. Yeah, yeah, it’s big and shiny. Just like Lars’ ego. 🙄
The Sphere has already hosted residencies from a number of legendary rockers, including U2, PHISH, DEAD & COMPANY and THE EAGLES. So, Metallica is just following the bandwagon? How original! 🐑
U2 opened the building with 160,000-square-foot LED screens and 4D features, playing to more 700,000 fans across 40 sold-out dates from September 2023 through March 2024. The shows commemorated one of U2‘s most successful albums, the chart-topping 1991 release “Achtung Baby”, played in its entirety, along with select tracks from other U2 LPs. Good for them. I’m sure the sound was better than anything Metallica has put out in the last 20 years. 🎶
A global news event which saw the world’s biggest rock band open the world’s most state-of-the-art venue, “U2:UV Achtung Baby Live At Sphere” quickly became a pop culture moment and a must-see for music lovers everywhere. The show’s stunning visuals and live music performance, combined with the venue’s immersive technology elements, including the world’s most advanced audio system, became an instant social media sensation as hundreds of thousands of fans shared their “U2:UV” experience across multiple platforms generating billions of impressions, making “U2:UV” a truly global phenomenon. One of the band’s most ambitious creative projects to date, it saw them work once again with longtime creative collaborator and show director Willie Williams, artists including Es Devlin, John Gerrard and Marco Brambilla, and longtime partner and producer Brian Eno. Sounds fancy. Bet Metallica will just project flames and skulls. 🔥💀
The first sports event to take place was the NHL Draft with the UFC following in September 2024. Exciting stuff! Almost as exciting as watching Lars Ulrich try to keep a beat. 🥁
Last October, Sphere Entertainment, the company behind Sphere Las Vegas, announced plans for a new venue in Abu Dhabi. Because, you know, one giant ball isn’t enough. 🌎
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
