So, like, apparently, two dudes who thought they were auditioning for the ‘Tallica circus decided to channel their inner Spider-Man (or maybe just their inner drunken idiot 🤪) and allegedly scaled a tower inside Optus Stadium during METALLICA’s concert in Perth, Australia. I mean, who needs a mosh pit when you can have a crane? 🤷♀️
These absolute legends – a 20-year-old from Carey Park and a 23-year-old from Australind – are now gonna grace the courtroom with their presence after pulling off this dangerous stunt. Photos and videos from the scene – shoutout to 10 News for the epic coverage – show the fuzz telling these shirtless heroes to climb their way back down before cuffing them and escorting them out. Priorities, people! Could’ve at least finished “Enter Sandman.”🤦♂️
“It will be alleged the men climbed up the central tower inside the bowl at the METALLICA concert held at Optus Stadium on Saturday,” said some Western Australia Police spokesperson, according to News.com.au. Yeah, no kidding, Sherlock. 🕵️♂️ You think they were up there admiring the architecture? Maybe they just wanted a better view of Lars’ drum solo? 🥁 Either way, free concert tickets aren’t free if you have to climb a freaking tower!
METALLICA’s current shows in Australia are kinda a big deal, marking their first trip Down Under in over a decade. I mean, it’s been so long, some of the band members probably needed new walkers. 👴 Supporting this geriatric adventure are EVANESCENCE and SUICIDAL TENDENCIES. Because nothing says “metal reunion” like a bit of early 2000s angst and hardcore punk. 🤘
Perth concert organizers were all like, “OMG, we sold over 60,000 tickets!” 🎉 Congrats, you packed a stadium! Now, try keeping the audience on the ground next time. Maybe invest in some bouncy castles? Just a thought. 🤔
After Perth, METALLICA’s gravy train rolls on to Adelaide Oval, Melbourne’s Marvel Stadium, Brisbane’s Suncorp Stadium, and Sydney’s Accor Stadium. Then, they’re jetting off to Auckland, New Zealand. So, basically, if you live in Australia or New Zealand and you HAVEN’T seen METALLICA yet, what are you even doing with your life? Get with the program! 🎫
METALLICA’s last appearance in Australia was headlining the Soundwave Festival in 2013. Which, let’s be honest, feels like a lifetime ago. I’m pretty sure dinosaurs roamed the earth back then. 🦖
The Australian dates are part of METALLICA’s “M72” world tour, named after their 2023 album “72 Seasons”. The “M72” Australian stadium tour, produced by Live Nation, has the band playing at the end of stadiums, with their Snake Pit extended from the front of the stage. Because, apparently, the mosh pit wasn’t chaotic enough. 🐍
While most of METALLICA’s 2024 and 2025 world tour dates had “No-Repeat Weekend” setlists, the Australian and New Zealand shows are billed as “One Night Only”. Because apparently, even METALLICA can’t be bothered to remember two different setlists. 😴 One night of face-melting metal is enough for these old dudes (and their fans), anyway. I’m pretty sure after a night of headbanging, their necks are gonna be killing them for a week.
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
