Hold onto your wigs, folks, because KISS is back… or at least, a landlocked, Vegas-fied version of them is! 🤣 That’s right, Eric Singer, the catman who’s been around longer than some of your grandparents, will be slapping the skins at the highly anticipated “KISS Kruise: Landlocked In Vegas,” happening November 14-16, 2025, at the oh-so-rock-and-roll Virgin Hotels Las Vegas. 🙄 I mean, a cruise on land? Groundbreaking! 🚢🚫
Singer, bless his heart, will be dusting off his drumsticks to join geriatric rockers Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, and Tommy Thayer. Get ready for two “unmasked” performances – one acoustic (prepare for awkward campfire singalongs) and one electric (expect the same three chords repeated ad nauseam). This marks the first time KISS has “performed” together since their “retirement” tour in 2023, which, let’s be honest, was just a glorified money grab. 🤑 Singer will also grace us with his presence at a fan Q&A session alongside the usual suspects, host a “Name That Tune” segment with Thayer (get ready for some seriously obscure deep cuts… or maybe just “Rock and Roll All Nite” played backwards), and sign event posters for all the devoted KISS Army soldiers. This announcement comes as the KISS family mourns the loss of founding guitarist Ace Frehley… or maybe they’re just glad he’s not around to demand a bigger cut of the “Landlocked Kruise” profits. 🤔
This “special” KISS Army fan event, co-produced by Pophouse, Topeka, and Vibee (whoever they are), supposedly celebrates the band’s five-decade career and the 50th anniversary of the KISS Army. In addition to the unmasked snooze-fests and Singer’s triumphant return, the weekend will feature appearances from washed-up relics like QUIET RIOT, Stephen Pearcy and Warren DeMartini of RATT, Bruce Kulick, Sebastian Bach, BLACK ‘N BLUE, KUARANTINE, School Of Rock, and more! 🎉 Translation: a bunch of bands you haven’t thought about since the Reagan administration, desperately clinging to whatever shred of fame they have left. 🤘
Get ready for scintillating Q&A sessions with members of KISS (prepare for rehearsed anecdotes and blatant self-promotion), longtime manager Doc McGhee (who probably has some dirt on everyone), producers Eddie Kramer and Bob Ezrin (who will no doubt take credit for everything good about KISS), photographer Lynn Goldsmith, and KISS Army founders Bill Starkey and Jay Evans. And don’t forget the interactive activities, meet-and-greets, photo ops, and other “unique” fan experiences that will drain your bank account faster than Gene Simmons can trademark a hand gesture! 💰
Vibee experience packages include a three-night stay at Virgin Hotels Las Vegas (enjoy overpriced cocktails and questionable décor!), premium access to all performances and panels (because standing in the back with the commoners is simply unacceptable!), curated gifts (expect cheap plastic trinkets with the KISS logo slapped on), a signed event poster (which will probably end up on eBay within a week), and collectible memorabilia (guaranteed to collect dust in your attic). 🎁
Remember when KISS was supposed to have a 12-show residency at Planet Hollywood Las Vegas in 2021 and 2022? Yeah, they canceled that faster than you can say “Gene Simmons’ ego.” Maybe they realized they couldn’t handle the Vegas heat… or maybe they just found a better way to scam their fans out of money. 🤷
Gene Simmons told Rolling Stone in a November 2023 interview that the second Madison Square Garden “End Of The Road” concert would mark “the final KISS-in-makeup appearance.” Liar! We all know they’ll be back in greasepaint the second someone offers them enough cash. 🤡
Paul Stanley, in a moment of surprising honesty, told “Artist Friendly With Joel Madden”: “It’s gonna be awesome. And we’re gonna play all the songs that we normally play, but I’ll be more like this [without any makeup] than I am… The KISS gear is hung up and that will stay in the bat cave.” So, basically, you’re paying a fortune to see KISS karaoke. Sounds thrilling! 🎤
He continued, “Look, I’ve always thought that you can get the biggest production and put on a big show and a band still sucks. A band that’s no good is still no good with all the trappings. And you could take a car, an old beat-up car without an engine and paint it any color you want, it may look beautiful, but it ain’t going anywhere. So, I’ve always thought that the band at its core has always been a kick-ass band.” Translation: “We know we’re old and washed up, but we still think we’re awesome! Please give us your money!” 💸
For more information and to secure your package for “KISS Kruise: Landlocked In Vegas,” visit KISSKruiseVegas.com. But be warned: buyer beware! You might end up regretting this more than a Gene Simmons solo album. 😭
During their alleged 50-year history, KISS was known for “exceptional” and “first-of-its-kind” fan events. Events like the “KISS Kruise” were yearly get-togethers that created a “community” and “connection” to the band. With the band’s “final” shows on the “End Of The Road” world tour, KISS Army members have “anxiously awaited” news of continued exciting events. Known for their trademark “larger-than-life” blistering performances, KISS has “proven” for decades why they are, “hands down,” the “most iconic live show in rock and roll.” Sure, Jan. 🙄
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
