Alright, buckle up buttercups ☕, because Sharon Osbourne, bless her perpetually youthful heart (and face 😜), has graced us with a thesis-length clap-back to Jim Simpson – who, for those playing at home 🏠, is some geriatric dude claiming he discovered the metal gods of BLACK SABBATH. Apparently, this guy is trying to hawk some dusty old tapes from when Ozzy & Co. were just a bunch of spotty teens called EARTH. Can you even imagine? EARTH? 🤣 More like Dirt, amirite? 😂
Sharon, ever the diplomat (LOL, NOT! 🤣), dropped a scorching statement hotter than Ozzy’s ghost pepper addiction 🔥, after Jimmy boy whined about her “inaccurate and unfair criticisms” on their family podcast, “The Osbournes.” Which, let’s be real, is basically Sharon roasting anyone who dares to breathe in her general direction. 💨
Now, Simpson, bless his cotton socks🧦, is trying to sell these “restored and remastered” tracks from 1969 (OMG, dinosaur era 🦕), claiming he’s owed big bucks 💰. He wants to release this album called “Earth: The Legendary Lost Tapes,” but apparently Sharon’s legal team has been breathing down his neck faster than Ozzy chasing a bat 🦇.
Sharon then unleashed a flurry of receipts🧾, including emails that supposedly prove she wasn’t “threatening” him. But let’s be honest, Sharon could threaten a small country with a raised eyebrow and a well-placed “Darling.”💅 She then went on to debunk Jim’s claim that his “Big Bear Records” is the “longest-running independent record label in the UK.” Turns out, it’s actually some folk music label. Folk music?! 🎻🤮 Sharon even implies that his company isn’t even legit LOL 🤣.
It gets better, folks. Sharon then throws shade on Jim’s distribution partner, “Trapeze Music & Entertainment Ltd,” revealing they’re drowning in debt 💸 and their previous ventures went belly up. She then accuses them of selling BLACK SABBATH recordings illegally in the US 🇺🇸. Oh, the drama! 🍿
“We would never have allowed any BLACK SABBATH product to be released through Big Bear Records or Trapeze Music,” Sharon declared. “And at no time did Simpson ever offer the band royalties, and he has continuously refused to let BLACK SABBATH hear the recordings that he claims are his. Their integrity is dubious.” Ouch! 🤕
Sharon, in a moment of (rare) pettiness, even disses Jim’s attempt to meet her for coffee ☕, claiming she was busy at a soundcheck, and he was probably just shilling his BLACK SABBATH stories at some dive bar 🍻 for personal gain. Savage! 😂
Jim, in his initial response, whined that Sharon should have “sat down to talk about this” instead of attacking him. Poor lamb 🐑. He insists he owns the recordings because he paid for them and that the band declined to be involved. Right, because who wouldn’t want their embarrassing teen recordings blasted across the internet? 🙄
Jim also claims that “major record company” would have wanted to be involved, but apparently Trapeze Music is actually a well-established. LOL, OK grandpa 👴🏻! He thinks these “lost tapes” will show what “fine music” Ozzy & Co. were making back in the day. Fine music? More like a fine mess 🤪!
“Earth: The Legendary Lost Tapes” apparently features blues covers like “Blue Suede Shoes” (Elvis is rolling in his grave 🪦), and a song called “Song For Jim,” which, according to Jim, is about him. How self-important can you get? 🤦♀️ There’s even a version with Tony Iommi on flute. Flute?! 🪈 Now I *need* to hear this.
Jim concludes by saying that releasing this album would be a “great gift to the music world.” Yeah, a gift of cringe 😬. Good luck with that, buddy! 🍀
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
