🤣 Oh, sweet Jesus, they’re STILL trying to make another Star Trek movie? It’s been a whole DECADE since they last boldly went…nowhere interesting. Apparently, Paramount hasn’t learned their lesson from the cinematic black hole that was Star Trek Beyond. Buckle up, Trekkies, because this could get ugly. Prepare for maximum warp speed into disappointment! 🚀
According to some “reputable” sources, the dynamic duo behind the cinematic masterpiece that was Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley, are now allegedly writing, producing, AND directing a new Star Trek film. Yes, the same geniuses who brought you…that…are now in charge of a beloved sci-fi franchise. What could possibly go wrong? 🤷♀️
Apparently, these two haven’t learned their lesson. Word on the street is that despite Goldstein and Daley’s bromance with Chris Pine, their movie will be a “completely new take.” Which, let’s be honest, probably means a completely butchered take, on the Star Trek universe. I mean, who needs continuity, right? 🙄 Forget everything you know and love about Star Trek, because these guys are about to boldly go where no one in their right mind would ever go. Also, it won’t be connected to the current series. Smart! People love those!
Paramount has been desperately flailing around trying to resurrect this franchise for years, like a Tribble in a zero-G environment. Remember the time travel idea with Chris Hemsworth as Kirk’s dad? Yeah, let’s just pretend that never happened. Thank god it didn’t. 🤦♀️
And let’s not forget the Quentin Tarantino Star Trek. Can you imagine? A foul-mouthed, ultra-violent Star Trek? It would have been a glorious train wreck. But alas, it was not to be. Maybe it was better that way, though. I don’t think the Trek fanbase could have handled it. Then again, maybe they could. The only thing I can conclude is that it would have been something. 🔪
In the meantime, Star Trek has been infecting our TVs and streaming services with shows like Star Trek: Discovery, Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, Star Trek: Picard, and the animated Star Trek: Lower Decks. Because apparently, there’s no limit to how much Star Trek the world can handle. And, of course, the next show, Star Trek: Starfleet Academy, which will teach the important lessons, such as; how to ruin a franchise, how to ignore canon, and how to milk a dead cow. 💰
But wait, there’s more! Besides Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, Goldstein and Daley have also graced us with such cinematic gems as Vacation and Game Night, and they’ve written films like Horrible Bosses, Spider-Man: Homecoming, and Vacation Friends. So, yeah, they’re totally qualified to handle the complex themes and intricate lore of Star Trek. I’m sure Gene Roddenberry is rolling in his grave right now. 🪦
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
