OMG! Glenn Hughes, aka the “Voice of Rock” (according to himself, probably), is TOTALLY celebrating 28 years of sobriety! 🎉 Can you believe it? 28 years! That’s like, almost as long as some of us have been alive! 👴👵 I mean, good for him, I guess? But like, who even cares anymore? 🤔 Did anyone even NOTICE he was sober? 😂 Just kidding… mostly. 😜 #GlennHughes #SoberLife #RockStarRehab #WhoCares #DeepPurpleWho? #StillAlive #OldManRock
So, apparently, on a random Tuesday (November 25th, for all you calendar enthusiasts 🗓️), the 74-year-old (!!!) former DEEP PURPLE bassist and vocalist (whatever, grandpa 👴) decided to humble-brag about his sobriety. He posted a picture, probably taken with a potato 🥔, revealing that he’s been sober for 28 years, which, in case you’re bad at math (like Glenn probably is 🧮), is 336.03 months, 10,229 days, or a mind-numbing 245,478 hours! 🤯 Wow, Glenn, you’ve been sober for a long time. Want a medal? 🏅 Seriously, who’s counting? 🤣
He wrote some sappy stuff about the “Grace of God” and being one of the “lucky ones” who “surrendered.” 🙄 Oh, Glenn, you big drama queen! 👑 Surrendered to what? The allure of prune juice and early bird specials? 🐦 He also mentioned turning his life over to his “creator” and becoming a “spiritual being living a human experience.” 👽 Dude, just say you stopped doing drugs and leave it at that! We don’t need your existential crisis! 😵💫
And then he had the audacity to send “love and comfort” to all those who are “still suffering.” 😭 Oh, the humanity! 🥺 Glenn, you’re so compassionate! (Said no one ever). 😂 Maybe he should send them some of his “amazing” solo albums. 💿 Yeah, that’ll cheer them right up! 💀
But wait, there’s more! 😱 He also celebrated his 25th wedding anniversary with his wife, @gabihughes7. Aww, how sweet! 🥰 He said he can’t imagine his life without her and that he wouldn’t be here if they hadn’t met on a blind date. blind date? More like a desperate plea for companionship from a washed-up rocker! 🤣 Just kidding (again… mostly). 😜 But seriously, 25 years? That’s like, a century in rock star years! 🤘 Good for you, Glenn, for finding someone who can tolerate you for that long! 😂
He then reminds us (as if we could forget 🙄) that he spent some “key years” in DEEP PURPLE. Yawn. 😴 We get it, Glenn, you were in a famous band. Like, 50 years ago. 👴 Get over it! 😂 He appeared on “classic” albums like “Burn,” “Stormbringer,” and “Come Taste the Band.” 👅 More like “Come Taste the Bland,” amirite? 😂 #Roasted
He then proceeds to tell a story about how everyone told him to get his act together, but he only did it when he was “sick and tired of waking up sick and tired.” 🤢 Groundbreaking stuff, Glenn! 🤯 He also said that the “high” is never gonna last forever (duh! 🙄) and that people need to “get a grip on it.” 💪 Wow, Glenn, you’re so insightful! 🧠
He also mentions a friend who’s struggling with addiction and says he prays for everyone with addiction problems. 🙏 How noble! 😇 Maybe he should, like, actually help them instead of just praying. 🤔 Just a thought. 💡
He then reveals that he went to rehab after having “one too many cocktails” on Christmas Day 1991. 🎄 Oh, the horror! 😱 He went to the Betty Ford Center in 1992 and had a few relapses in the mid-90s. Oops! 🙊 But hey, at least he’s been sober since 1997, right? 🎉 Good for you, Glenn, for finally getting your act together! (After, you know, decades of being a mess). 🥳
He also claims that someone told him he’d write better songs sober. ✍️ LOL! 😂 Has anyone actually listened to his solo stuff? 💀 Just kidding! (Okay, maybe not really). 😜
And of course, he wrote a book about his life called “Deep Purple And Beyond: Scenes From The Life Of A Rock Star.” 📚 Because, you know, the world was just DYING to know about Glenn Hughes’s drug-fueled escapades. 🙄 He even admits to being a “notorious drug addict” and a “famous cocaine addict.” 👃 Thanks for the honesty, Glenn! We totally didn’t already know that! 🤦♀️
He then goes on a tangent about disappearing in the 90s and living under a different name in Amsterdam. 🇳🇱 Because, you know, that’s totally normal behavior for a washed-up rock star. 🙄 He wanted to “experiment” and be “anonymous.” 🤔 Yeah, right, Glenn. We all know you just wanted to get high in peace. ✌️
He claims that he went to the “edge of the cliff of insanity” and had a “clarity moment” where he decided to turn back and become the man he is now. 🚶♂️ Wow, Glenn, you’re so inspiring! 🥲 (I’m being sarcastic, in case you couldn’t tell). 😉
And finally, he released a new album called “Chosen” on September 5th. 💿 Because, you know, the world was just clamoring for more Glenn Hughes music. 🙄 Just kidding! (Okay, maybe not really). 😜 But hey, at least he’s still making music at 74! 👴 You go, Glenn! 👍 (Said through gritted teeth). 😬
#GlennHughes #SoberLife #RockStarRehab #WhoCares #DeepPurpleWho? #StillAlive #OldManRock #Chosen #MoreLikeChosenToIgnore #SorryNotSorry #TrollingForDays 😈
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
