ICE NINE KILLS (more like ICE NINE CHILLS, amirite? 😂) frontman Spencer Charnas (who?) is gracing us with his presence in the first episode of Fire With Fire, a video series where Ryan J. Downey (never heard of him) chats with “artists” (questionable) about “freedom of expression” (eye roll). Apparently, this is all brought to you by the Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression, because, you know, metalheads are the most oppressed group in society. 🙄 Directed by Gus Black (probably related to Jack Black, but less funny).
So, Spencer (bless his heart) was asked what advice he’d give to people who can’t “express themselves” (get a diary, maybe?). He said he’s been doing this since 2000 (wow, so ancient 👴) and realized the band got “successful” (debatable) when they stopped caring about trends. Translation: they sold out! 🤑
He reminisces about the good ol’ days when they were desperate to sound like “Band X” (probably some garbage nu-metal act) and worried about having enough breakdowns (because that’s what REAL music is all about 🙄). Then, he claims they found “authenticity” (as if!) by mixing punk, metal, Broadway (??), and horror. Basically, they threw everything at the wall and hoped something would stick. And by “success,” he means a few extra bucks for hair dye and studded belts. 🤘
He also spouts some nonsense about “believing in yourself” and having a “do-it-yourself mentality” (aka, being too broke to afford a real studio). Before they were headlining Warped Tour (wait, is that still a thing?), they were “breaking into the tour” with fake laminates (so edgy!) and selling CDs (lol, CDs) to anyone who looked remotely like they might buy one. Sounds like a real rockstar life. 🌟
He then proceeds to drop some wisdom bombs about rejection (welcome to life, buddy) and compares himself to METALLICA (as if!) and Wes Craven (who?). Apparently, no one wanted to sign METALLICA because they were “too metal for the punk kids” (citation needed). And Wes Craven‘s “A Nightmare On Elm Street” was rejected by every major studio (because it’s terrifyingly bad? 🤣). But then some small company took a chance, and BOOM! Instant success! (for a given definition of success). Moral of the story: be persistent, or just get lucky. 🍀
Spencer then whines about YouTube‘s “censorship policy” (boo hoo) because their music videos (which are totally not derivative of other, better horror movies) get flagged for being too violent. 🔪 He’s particularly upset about the videos for “A Work Of Art” and “Terrifier” (never heard of ’em), which are apparently homages to “The Crow” and “Pet Sematary” (more like rip-offs, amirite?).
He complains that the videos get “extremely restricted” (cry me a river) and don’t show up in searches (maybe because they’re terrible?). Apparently, you have to “prove you’re 18” to watch them (because that’s gonna stop anyone 🙄). He compares YouTube to the MPAA (because censoring gore is totally the same as limiting free speech 🙄🙄). He probably thinks he’s fighting the system, but he’s really just whining about not getting enough views.
When asked if YouTube has a list of banned content, Spencer says it’s all “vague” (probably because they don’t want to hurt his fragile ego). He admits that “killing an infant” is probably against the rules (duh!), but they’ve tried to get around it by putting “censored bars” over the naughty bits (so edgy!). He whines that it’s “really difficult to be able to express what we want and not have it restricted” (maybe try being less graphic?). He then goes on a tangent about how “Terrifier” is one of the “greatest films of all time” (LOL!) and how Tom Savini (who?) said it makes “Dawn Of The Dead” look like “Bambi” (okay, grandpa). He brags that the video still got “millions of views” (probably bots) and that Chris Nelson (who did the “Kill Bill” movies) did the special effects (because that makes it good?). 🎬
Ryan J. Downey (the interviewer) is apparently a “longtime journalist” (who knew?) who’s worked with Billboard, The Hollywood Reporter, and Marvel (so, basically, he’s a sellout too). He’s written books, graphic novels, and liner notes for bands like BLACK VEIL BRIDES, FALLING IN REVERSE, ICE NINE KILLS (shocking!), ALICE IN CHAINS, PANTERA, and TYPE O NEGATIVE (one of these things is not like the others). He’s also the host of some series at Hollywood’s Musicians Institute (sounds prestigious) and a former MTV News reporter (RIP MTV). 🎤
The Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression is a “nonpartisan and nonprofit organization” (sure it is) whose mission is to “defend and sustain individual rights to free speech” (by interviewing metal singers?). They do this through “public education campaigns” (like this?), “individual case advocacy” (fighting for metal bands?), and “policy reform efforts” (good luck with that). 🏛️
Charnas is described as the “creative architect and front man of ICE NINE KILLS” (self-proclaimed, probably) and “one of modern metal’s most visionary and recognizable figures” (again, debatable). He’s a “lifelong horror obsessive and pop culture alchemist” (aka, a nerd) who’s turned ICE NINE KILLS into a “multi-dimensional empire” (of mediocrity) where “music, cinema, and theatrical storytelling collide” (more like crash and burn). 🔥
Under his “leadership” (dictatorship?), the band’s “horror-themed concept albums” (yawn) redefined the genre (not really), earning Top 20 Billboard chart placements (thanks to their moms), “global streaming success” (mostly from bots), and “cult-like fan devotion” (mostly from teenage girls). As a “songwriter, performer, and strategist” (more like a con artist), Charnas has elevated ICE NINE KILLS beyond the stage (barely), launching the Silver Scream Convention (a waste of money), “immersive fan clubs” (creepy), “graphic novels” (more like fan fiction), and now the Pretty Evil cosmetics line (because nothing says “metal” like makeup). 💄
He’s “known for collaborations with horror icons” (washed-up actors) and for “bringing theatricality back to live performance” (by dressing up like a clown). He’s become a “mainstay in both the metal and horror communities” (because they have low standards). Whether he’s “fronting the band on tour with METALLICA” (opening for them, more like) or “creating blood-soaked beauty campaigns” (gross), he continues to “push the boundaries of what a modern frontman can be” (by being as annoying as possible). 🤡
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
