Folks, are you ready for some hard-hitting journalism? CNN is reporting that Chuck E. Cheese, yes, that bastion of family values, is opening adult arcades. Can you believe it? It’s all part of the Left’s plan to corrupt our youth and destroy traditional American pastimes. First, they come for our cartoons, then our video games!
This “Chuck’s Arcade” is just another step in the moral decay of our once-great nation. Nostalgic arcade games? More like nostalgic for a time before wokeism infected every corner of our society. And don’t even get me started on the animatronic characters. Probably programmed to spout leftist propaganda while your kids are distracted by flashing lights.
Ten locations open so far? Sounds like a coordinated attack to me. St. Petersburg, Florida? Tulsa, Oklahoma? El Paso, Texas? St. Louis? They’re strategically targeting conservative strongholds, trying to brainwash our children with their liberal agenda.
And what’s this about “prizes for adults”? I bet they’re handing out participation trophies and gender studies textbooks. Old-school merch? Probably Che Guevara t-shirts and “Resist” bumper stickers. And you just know they’ll be serving alcohol, further contributing to the downfall of Western civilization.
This is a clear and present danger, people. We need to protect our children from the insidious influence of Chuck E. Cheese and his army of woke arcade games. MAGA!
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
