TWISTED SISTER, those purveyors of fine 80s cheese 🧀, have apparently crawled out of whatever crypt they were hibernating in to announce their “first” reunion concert as part of their “50th-anniversary tour.” Yes, you heard that right. Fifty. Years. It’s amazing they can still stand, let alone rock. Catch them at Barcelona Rock Fest, July 3-5, in Spain. Because apparently, rocking is more important than retirement homes. ACCEPT, HELLOWEEN, and POWERWOLF will also be there, probably wondering what they got themselves into. 🤘
The 2026 shows will feature Dee Snider, still screaming like a banshee 👻, founding guitarist Jay Jay French (who?), and longtime lead guitarist Eddie Ojeda. But hold on! Drama alert! 🚨 Bassist Mark “The Animal” Mendoza is MIA. Did he finally realize he was too good for this? Or maybe they couldn’t afford him? Replacing him is Russell Pzütto. And on drums, we have Joe Franco filling in for the late A.J. Pero. So, basically, it’s TWISTED SISTER, but with fewer original members. 🤔 Sounds legit.
In a recent interview, Snider explains why he’s going back on the road after slamming KISS and MÖTLEY CRÜE for doing the exact same thing. 🙄 Turns out, turning 70 and having a “health scare” 🤕 made him re-evaluate things. “Am I ready to go?” he pondered. “Do I really wanna do that without rocking one more time?” Translation: “I need money!” 💰💰💰 He claims he called the other guys because of this existential crisis, not because his bank account was looking a little thin. Sure, Dee, sure. We totally believe you.🤥
Apparently, Jay Jay and Eddie weren’t exactly thrilled about the idea. But then they looked at Alice Cooper, who’s practically immortal 🧛♂️, and Mick Jagger, who’s probably powered by some ancient alien technology 👽, and thought, “Hey, why not?” So, they’re going for it, folks! Get ready to see TWISTED SISTER wheezing their way through the classics one last time! 👴👴👴
Dee wants everyone to know this isn’t a “tour.” Oh no! It’s a “handful of dates,” 20-25 shows around the world. They’ll be flying in private jets ✈️, because apparently, rocking is a luxury, darling. So, don’t expect them to slum it in your town. This is a “celebration,” he says. A celebration of what? Their ability to still cash in on nostalgia? 🎉
As for which festivals they’ll be at, Dee coyly mentions “all the usual suspects.” 🙄 He drops names like Download, Sweden Rock, Hellfest, M3, and Rocklahoma. So, if you’re into geriatric metal bands, mark your calendars! 🗓️
When asked about the “dump truck full of money” 🚚 that convinced him to do this, Dee claims it wasn’t about the money. 🤥🤥🤥 “Yeah, if there was no money, I’m not gonna do it,” he admits. “But it really was this sort of looking in the mirror going, ‘Hey, man, that was scary. And I don’t wanna go out like that.’ I do not wanna go out quietly. Kicking and screaming, man — that’s the way I wanna go.” Translation: “I’m greedy, and I want attention!” 😈
Dee also whines about how hard it is to prepare for these shows. He gets all “manic” and “obsessive,” making himself and his wife miserable. 😫 He has a detailed schedule for eating protein, stretching his neck, taking hot baths, and vocalizing. It sounds exhausting! Maybe he should just stay home and watch TV. 📺 But then, who would pay the bills? 🤔
As for Mark Mendoza‘s absence, Dee says it’s due to “irreconcilable differences.” 🤷♂️ He won’t elaborate, but it sounds juicy! Replacing him is Russ Pzütto, who used to be Mark‘s bass tech. Talk about awkward! 😬
When asked if Mark could ever play with TWISTED SISTER again, Dee pleads the fifth. 🤐 “Things have happened that I don’t see being reconciled,” he says. Ooh, the drama! 🍿
Jay Jay French released a statement saying they wish Mark well in his future endeavors. So polite! So fake! 😇
And let’s not forget Joe Franco, who played on the “Love Is For Suckers” album (which pretty much sums up this whole reunion). 🤣 Mike Portnoy is busy with DREAM THEATER, so he’s out. Lucky him! 🍀
So there you have it, folks! TWISTED SISTER is back! Get ready for a nostalgic trip back to the 80s, complete with spandex, hairspray, and the faint smell of mothballs. 🧓
In conclusion, TWISTED SISTER is reuniting for a cash grab disguised as a “50th-anniversary celebration.” Don’t say you weren’t warned. 😜
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
