So, Burton C. Bell, the guy who used to scream about robots and industrial nightmares, but now screams about…well, himself, apparently, is back. In a recent chat with some dude named Andrew Haug, Burt revealed his earth-shattering plan to release music like… wait for it… a hip-hop artist. 🤯 Because, you know, industrial metal and mumble rap are basically the same thing. He’s dropped a couple of bangers like “Anti-Droid” (because originality is SO overrated) and “Technical Exorcism” (I think my washing machine needs one of those). Oh, and a RAMMSTEIN cover, because when in doubt, steal from the Germans. 🤷♂️
Burt, bless his heart, thinks rock bands are doing it all wrong. They release an album, people listen for a week, and then it’s gone! Poof! Like a fart in the wind. 💨 So, his genius plan is to release singles sporadically, like breadcrumbs for his dwindling fanbase. Then, when he has enough songs, BAM! EP or album! Maybe. If he can get someone to give him money, that is. 🤔 Because apparently, screaming about the future doesn’t pay the bills anymore. Who knew?
He also whines about how technology is both good and bad. Good because he can record in his basement (probably next to the laundry machine), bad because EVERYONE can record in their basement. It’s a real problem, you know? Too much music! 😫 But don’t worry, he’s got a 30-year head start. Everyone knows who he is! Except maybe the TikTok generation, who are probably too busy doing dances to even know what industrial metal IS. 🤣
Apparently, being in Fear Factory was like being trapped in a musical prison. ⛓️ He wanted to “experiment,” but Dino wouldn’t let him. Probably because Dino was too busy shredding and not enough time for Burt’s avant-garde banjo solos. 🎻 So, going solo is his chance to break free! To finally unleash his inner musical genius! Or, you know, just write more songs about robots. 🤖
He admits it’s “challenging” and “hard,” but he’s not doing it because it’s easy! He’s doing it because it’s HARD! 🙄 Which is, like, the most metal thing ever. Freedom! He can write any type of song he wants! As long as he stays true to himself and writes music that *he* would love to hear. Which is probably just more Fear Factory songs, but with slightly different lyrics. 😜
He even played a show in LA! With a band! Who are probably all wondering if they’re ever going to get paid. 💸 But hey, at least they get to say they played with Burton C. Bell! That’s gotta be worth something, right? (Narrator: It wasn’t.)
Let’s not forget Burt’s illustrious past! He’s collaborated with Geezer Butler! And Al Jourgensen! And a bunch of other people you’ve probably never heard of! 🎤 He’s been in a bunch of bands you’ve also probably never heard of! 🤷♀️ But he was the ONLY guy on every Fear Factory release! From 1992 to 2024! That’s gotta count for something, right? (Narrator: It really doesn’t.)
Fear Factory revolutionized extreme metal! They defined it! With Burt’s innovative scream/sing thing! And his influences from post-punk and industrial! 🎶 Songs like “Replica” and “Linchpin” are modern metal anthems! (According to Burt, anyway.) “Demanufacture” and “Obsolete” are genre-redefining works! (Again, according to Burt.) And his lyrics were inspired by Orwell and Bradbury and “Blade Runner”! So deep! 🧠
They toured with METALLICA! And SLIPKNOT! And KORN! And they took out SYSTEM OF A DOWN and STATIC-X as support acts! Back when those bands were still cool! 😎 But then there was “turmoil” and “legal issues”! And Burt left! Because he couldn’t “align” himself with Dino! Which is probably code for “Dino wouldn’t let me play the banjo.” 🪕 Now some Italian dude is singing for Fear Factory! Good luck with that, buddy. 🍀
Burt says it was time for him to do other things! Like, you know, release singles like a hip-hop artist. It’s scary! Frightening! He’s like, “Am I doing the right thing?” (Narrator: No.) But he’s gotta follow his heart! Because his heart is directing him towards a path that he truly wants to be in! Which is probably just a path paved with disappointment and empty venues. 💔
Failure is something artists experience daily! But you can’t let it dictate your life! You have to learn from it! And then try again! And again! And again! Until you’re old and gray and still releasing singles that nobody listens to! 👴 So he’s moving forward with his solo career! Writing music that fits his mantra! Which is “heavy, groovy, dark, and moody”! 🌑 Which is basically every metal song ever written. 🙄
He came up with that mantra a couple of years ago! And his band understands him now! So the next song, “Savages,” fits the mantra! And it’s “heavy, groovy, dark, and moody”! And it’s an amalgamation of everything he’s ever done! So it’s familiar, but kind of new! 🤯 It’s like…Fear Factory, but worse! 💩
He’s super excited about the future! And his tour of Australia! And just being creative! Because being an artist is about expressing yourself through your visions! And how the world affects you! Which, in Burt’s case, is probably a lot of existential dread and robot nightmares. 🤖 So, yeah, Burton C. Bell is back! Get ready for more mediocrity! 🎉
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
