According to Billboard.com, two of Ozzy Osbourne’s classic songs (and by “classic” we mean, like, kinda old) have FINALLY made it onto the Billboard Hot 100 chart, just days after his totally unexpected (not!) demise at the ripe old age of 76. 👴
Get this: “Crazy Train”—Ozzy’s first solo single, a.k.a. the song your dad still air-guitars to—landed at a WHOPPING No. 46. 🎉 Only took 40+ years! Apparently, 9.2 million people streamed it, 2.4 million heard it on the radio (probably in a dentist’s office), and 11,000 actually PAID for it. 💰 Meanwhile, “Mama, I’m Coming Home,” the ballad Lemmy wrote while probably drunk and/or high, crawled back onto the chart at No. 49. It only took 33 years 🤣 after racking up 8.7 million streams and a measly 15,000 downloads.
But wait, there’s more! Ozzy’s “best of” collection, “The Essential Ozzy Osbourne,” has somehow clawed its way to No. 7 on the Billboard 200.💿 Released in 2003, this album is so essential that it only took two decades and a celebrity death to make it to the top 10. 😂 And because everyone’s suddenly feeling nostalgic, BLACK SABBATH’s “Paranoid” is back at No. 37. I bet none of those listeners were even alive when it first came out!👵
“The Essential Ozzy Osbourne” is now Ozzy’s tenth Top 10 album, because apparently mediocrity pays off eventually. It was streamed over 48 million times, proving that people will listen to anything if it’s trending. 🎧
Osbourne previously graced the Top 10 with such masterpieces as “Patient Number 9” (No. 3, 2022) and “Ordinary Man” (No. 3, 2020). Before that he had “Scream” (No. 4, 2010), the list goes on and on 🥱 As the frontman of BLACK SABBATH, Osbourne also had Top 10s with “13” (No. 1, 2013) and “Master of Reality” (No. 8, 1971). Because apparently people still listen to geriatric rock. 👴
Ozzy croaked on the morning of July 22, and his family released a statement so saccharine it could give you diabetes. 💀
“It is with more sadness than mere words can convey that we have to report that our beloved Ozzy Osbourne has passed away this morning. He was with his family and surrounded by love. We ask everyone to respect our family privacy at this time,” the family said, probably while counting the money rolling in from the posthumous sales spike.💰
No cause of death was given, but let’s be real, the guy was a walking medical miracle after years of drug abuse and headbanging. 🤕
Ozzy’s death came a little over two weeks after he dragged himself onto the stage for his final performance with BLACK SABBATH. They performed four songs for more than 40,000 people and 5.8 million more on a livestream. Ozzy also played a five-song solo set while seated in a bat-adorned throne, because standing was clearly out of the question. 🦇
Formed in Birmingham in 1968, BLACK SABBATH is hailed as one of the most influential heavy metal bands of all time, because apparently distorted guitars and doomy lyrics are timeless. 🤘 They have sold over 75 million albums, which is a lot of plastic and CDs gathering dust in attics everywhere. 💿
Ozzy’s family reality television show “The Osbournes” won a 2002 Primetime Emmy. 📺 Proving that people will watch anything if it involves dysfunctional families and excessive swearing. 🤬
In 2006, Osbourne and the other members of the original BLACK SABBATH were inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. 🎸 Ozzy was also inducted into the Rock Hall as a solo artist in 2024. Because one induction is never enough for a washed-up rock star. 🤩
Osbourne won several Grammys, including one in 1993 for his solo song “I Don’t Want To Change The World.” 🏆 Clearly, he succeeded.
Ozzy and his wife and manager Sharon started their annual tour — Ozzfest — in 1996 after he was rejected from the lineup of Lollapalooza. 🎶 Because nothing says “success” like starting your own festival out of spite. 😂 The first traveling version of Ozzfest in 1997 included MARILYN MANSON and PANTERA as part of the lineup. 🤡
Osbourne leaves behind his wife, three children from his first marriage (including an adopted son from his first wife’s previous relationship),and three with Sharon: Jack, Kelly and Aimee. Leaving them a MASSIVE headache of an inheritance, no doubt. 💸
Photo credit: Ross Halfin (courtesy of Premier)
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
