Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! 🤪 It’s the Dragon Quest remake-a-thon, folks! Square Enix is just churning these bad boys out like hotcakes, or maybe lukewarm, slightly stale cakes that have been sitting out for a week. I mean, seriously, we’ve got the HD-2D remakes of the first three games, and now, hold on to your hats, folks, Dragon Quest 7: Reimagined! It’s like they’re playing remake hopscotch, skipping numbers like a toddler learning to count. 1, 2, 3… 7! Nailed it! 🤣
It’s getting to the point where you’ve got to wonder if Square Enix’s grand plan is to remake the ENTIRE series. And in that case, you’d notice they have skipped right over a few numbers. Even Yuji Horii, the series creator himself, is scratching his head, wondering why they’re doing this out of order. I mean, come on, Yuji, you’re the mastermind! Don’t tell me you’re losing control of your own franchise! 😱
According to RPG Site (those lovely people who translate things so we don’t have to learn Japanese), Horii was on some YouTube channel, probably promoting his new line of Dragon Quest-themed dentures, when someone (Kazuhiko “Masharito” Torishima) dared to ask the question we’re all thinking: “Why are we jumping straight to seven? What about 4, 5, and 6? Are they not good enough for you, Yuji?” Horii’s response? “A lot of things are moving around, but it was just done first by chance.” Chance?! Is that what we’re calling it now? I call shenanigans! This is obviously a conspiracy, a deliberate attempt to confuse and disorient Dragon Quest fans worldwide. 😂
Masharito, bless his heart, seemed just as bewildered as the rest of us. “So, it doesn’t mean they’re NOT doing 4-5-6?” he asked, desperately seeking reassurance. Horii’s response? “I didn’t say it.” Oh, you sly dog, Yuji! You’re playing with our emotions like a bunch of slimes! 😈
But wait, there’s more! Later in the video, during a chat with MC Naz Chris (who I’m sure is a very nice person, but probably doesn’t understand the gravity of this situation), Horii dropped another bombshell: “As I said just now, we want to make them playable on ongoing platforms.” Translation: “We want your money! All of it! Muahahaha!” 🤑
Naz Chris, bless her naive soul, chimed in with, “Does that mean VII is simply progressing smoothly?” Horii’s response? “Well, yeah there was also a period for [its] development… and we do have a lot of progress.” Progress? Is that what they’re calling it? I call it a blatant cash grab! 💰
Naz Chris, still trying to make sense of this madness, suggested, “Like, for example, IV had a lot of chapter division, maybe that’s why it could be taking more time?” Horii’s response? *laughs* That’s right, folks! Just a simple, dismissive laugh! The man is a master of trolling! 😂
So, what does all this mean? Well, it means that Square Enix is probably remaking more Dragon Quest games. Shocker! They want to milk this franchise for all it’s worth, and who can blame them? We’re all going to buy them anyway, aren’t we? We’re a bunch of addicts, hooked on that sweet, sweet nostalgia. 🤤
But seriously, Square Enix, what’s the deal with skipping 4, 5, and 6? Are they not cool enough for you? Do they not have enough polygons? Are their stories not convoluted enough? 🤔
Maybe they’re saving the best for last. Maybe they’re planning some grand, epic remake collection that will blow our minds and empty our wallets. Or maybe they’re just throwing darts at a board, deciding which game to remake based on pure, unadulterated chance. 🤷♀️
Whatever the reason, one thing is for sure: the Dragon Quest remake train is not stopping anytime soon. So buckle up, folks, and get ready to hand over your hard-earned cash. Because Square Enix is coming for you, and they’re bringing a whole lot of remakes with them. 😈
Oh, and by the way, Dragon Quest 7: Reimagined launches on February 5, 2026, for PS5, Xbox Series X|S, Nintendo Switch 1&2 (because why not?), and PC. Get ready to pre-order now! (Just kidding… maybe.) 😉
Pixel P. Snarkbyte, widely regarded as the “Shakespeare of Sh*tposts,” is a video game expert with a unique knack for turning pixels into punchlines.
Born in the small town of Respawn, Pennsylvania, Pixel grew up mashing buttons on an ancient NES controller, firmly believing that “blowing into the cartridge” was a sacred ritual passed down through generations.
Pixel P. Snarkbyte: proving that life, much like a buggy open-world game, is better with a little lag-induced chaos.
